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Old 09-06-2005, 05:51 PM   #59
VanimaEdhel
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Location: Wellesley College!
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Silmaril

Now that I'm not rushing off to get somewhere:

New York - the city, the suburbs, the whole thing. Even a long commute - an hour and a half each way. Riding the train at nine-something in the morning. Watching the sun growing higher. Seeing people just like you on their way to a long day. You look out the window and you see the Hudson. You know it's polluted - that it would be bad judgment to swim in it, and that you should be careful even eating fish from it - but right now it looks so blue. Except it also reflects the hills - some of them still virgin land, trees as far as you can see, with birds soaring overhead. Some mornings you see deer from the train window, eating in the woods. You hear the quiet chugging of the train from inside the car - it's going to be a hot day, over a hundred degrees, but for now you're in the air conditioning of the car. You turn on your favorite music - the music you listen to almost every day when you're going into or returning from your job in the city. You know all day you'll be fielding phone calls, listening to customers and your employers, but right now your ears are your own. You can choose what you hear - either the cool riff of the saxophone in jazz or even the sharper riff of Carlos Santana's guitar. Or you even choose a group like Athlete or Embrace, hearing a quiet song building into an all-encompassing anthem. Singers singing of other lands, loves, cities just like yours - in a different time and place but still the same. Because music can connect us all. You see people around you, reading the atrocities in the paper, but being somehow soothed by the headphones they have on. You sneak a look at the display window: 50 Cent, Beethoven, Elton John, Whitney Houston, Nirvana, Modest Mouse, Annie Lennox, Eminem, 'N Sync - every possible artist with every possible genre. But they're all connected because that's what it's about - that's what the city's about: music. Listen when you walk through it - you can almost always hear music somewhere. And if you don't hear music, you hear a rhythm. The city has a beautiful rhythm from the time you step off the train until the time you get back on - it's as though it's breathing. Next time you're in New York, listen: it goes in and out and in and out. A steady, melodic breathing of people, machinery, cars, animals, life. And it's a see of color - skin, fabric, art, buildings - anything you can imagine, and a feast for your ears: Yiddish, Spanish, German, Russian, Japanese, Arabic, English, Korean - I would hear all of these every day on my way to work. The little things - the doorman greeting you every day, asking where you're going to lunch, what designer you're visiting, whether you have to pick up a dress, if you're going home for the day, what days you're working this week. A conductor on the train not charging me for taking an On Peak train with an Off Peak ticket - smiling and asking how I am, getting a large drink when I ask for a small, with the provider smiling, he asks me how long I'm working in the area. Some men holding a door open for me, or helping me when I do have to carry a dress through the rain, even though I'm only walking three blocks or so. Coming into the cool, cool air of the collective after walking through hundred-something degree heat. The relief of the finality of the day - walking back through the heat, the journey seeming so much shorter, stopping to watch someone play music along the street - even in the evening, the music is still coming - seeing the college students protesting in front of the library, stopping at a small coffee shop to order an iced coffee before climbing on board the train, sitting down, examining my sore feet. Once again I put my headphones on, the day complete, out of the noise of the phones and the customers and the heat and the chaos. Sitting next to someone who's curious about my work - curious about where I'm going to college this year. Then climbing off the train and seeing my father in the car. Going home and seeing my cat - and my dog, though I'll never be able to see him again, seeing as this is the one week anniversary of his death - seeing my mom and having dinner just almost ready - but there's time to shower, wash the city off of me, forget the rhythm and the beat for now. Immerse myself in the silence of the suburbs - the silence punctured by the sounds of crickets, which in themselves sound almost like more silence. The drone of the Yankee game - the outcome important but not imperative. Relaxing on the couch, in my pyjamas, retreating into my own room - my own room - with the silent darkness, the blinds drawn, the silence and the dark colliding so that fantasy and reality become one. the soft feeling of my mattress, my pillows that smell like me - not like a dorm or a new smell, but me.

At the same time:
Boston, a new city, my new source of freedom and excitement. Different from New York - there is no pulse to Boston, no groove. You just meander. When I try to create my own beat, it gets lost amidst the chaos of walking. You walk to get somewhere, not to establish a beat. But there are the colleges - the students just like you, male, female, of every race and religion you can imagine - even just all in your one Residence Hall. People your age to be with every day - people who share your passion for learning, who want to go to class, but who also want to party at the same time. Going to class during the day with compassionate teachers who want to be there - who teach because they love people your age. Then at night on the weekends, going out - the excitement of leaving your all-female campus, venturing out. The cool breath of night whispering on the back of your neck, the sound of shouting, music, joyous celebration coming from the fraternity houses and dormitories. Men, women, boys and girls all together celebrating their youth. You know that it is time to embrace it and love it - make it your own. Conversation and flirtation with a random stranger, the pulse of music, making up for the rhythm the city lacks during the day. Talking about what you want to do with your life: your hopes, dreams, aspirations, none of them out of your reach. No one tells you to be more realistic or to explain your motives - they have their reasons for wanting to be doctors, biologists, engineers, so you must have your reasons for wanting to learn about Middle Eastern Studies, International Relations, Theater. New friends - the awkwardness of new friendships - the excitement of it. Learning about your similarities and finally reaching the point when the boundary breaks and you feel like one - the first time you hug a friend when she's leaving to go home to New York for a weekend. You hug her and miss her and envy her returning to New York. But you rejoice at your own ability to stay - leaving Friday means she can't come with you Saturday night, when the world becomes alive. The smell of the bus, looking out the window as you cross the Charles River - the city nowhere near as impressive as New York at night, but quaint - beautiful, even with some of the tallest buildings still being churches. The laughter as you discuss a desperate guy making a move on you, the jokes about the people who get out of control, the comfort of being with friends - not by yourself - as you're venturing out into the world of strangers. The exchange of e-mails, phone numbers, the invitations to come back whenever you want - and to bring more friends, as many friends as you can find. Coming home exhausted, sleeping, dreaming of him and her and them and us - of all pronouns in all tenses, mixed, evolving and swirling. Because that's what college is about - the combination of pronouns, putting them in order in your life: I, we, you, he, she, them. But also always knowing that you'll be able to go back to New York, to leave the pronounces and the static and return once again to the rhythm and silence.
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"I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each others dreams, we can be together all the time." - Hobbes of Calvin and Hobbes
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