[Pitchwife]

So I finally saw this the other day. Having completely missed out on the latest trailers, rumours and speculations (due to criminally neglecting the Downs for the last half year or so) I like to believe I entered the cinema as unprejudiced and open-minded as I could possibly be. Some small part of me may even still have hoped to see an adaptation of Tolkien's book rather than LotR Episode I: The Dragon Menace, and that part wasn't wholly disappointed, although it largely was.

In roughly chronological order:

The opening scenes with Bilbo and Frodo linking the story to Bilbo's farewell party weren't really necessary but nice to watch; the sight of a careless young Frodo still unscathed by the martyrium waiting for him was - well, not exactly poignant, but a wee bit touching, I'll admit that. From the creators' view though, it was probably meant to tell reluctant viewers who had been dragged into the cinema by their significant others, "See, this is the prequel to that other movie about a ring and the dude who would be king." I guess somebody might have missed that otherwise.

It was also nice to see Dale, although I almost didn't recognize it because the buildings looked strangely reminiscent of renaissance Italy to me, I'd expected something more northern. The transition from the toy dragon to the attack of the real monster, and the attack itself, was well done - which is probably not surprising; PJ as I understand him is at heart a monster movie maker, and I expect that talent of his to shine once we get to see Smaug (the Mirkwood spiders too).

What I reeeally liked was the panoramic scene where the wandering tribes of the Dwarves set out from the ruins of Erebor, setting up the theme of Dwarven homelessness; that had an almost biblical touch to it in light of Tolkien's statements comparing the Dwarves to the Jewish people in terms of living in diaspora among other peoples, preserving a secret tongue etc. That homelessness theme was brought across well in the movie, indeed harped on a bit too much for my taste.

Now, Azanulbizar. I've always loved that story, so obviously I'm not complaining to see it included; I'd have loved even more to see it in full - "This cannot be borne", Dáin leaping up the steps after Azog with his axe, Azog's head on the stake, "Beyond the shadow it waits for you still: Dúrin's Bane" - , but I get that it would have taken too long for a flashback setting the scene for the main story, so I'm OK with cutting it. What I'm not OK with is Dáin not slaying Azog - which, together with what we hear about Dáin refusing to support Thórin's enterprise, doesn't bode well for his portrayal in parts II and III- , and I'm even less OK with Azog not being slain at all but made into the film's main villain. More of that later.

Bilbo - oh, wait, no: Thranduil, I almost forgot Thranduil. Thranduil on an elk - not exactly canonic IIRC, but cool. Not so cool that they made him a jerk - at least I think that's how he must look like to viewers who aren't aware of the whole Elven-Dwarven backstory, and even so. Meh.

Bilbo was great, hands down. Martin Freeman is perfect for the part, and while some of the script he was given wasn't exactly flawless I found his performance very enjoyable to watch.

The whole opening scenes in Bag End suffer from a deplorable lack of manners, both on Bilbo's side towards Gandalf and on the Dwarves' side towards Bilbo, but honestly, it was such a sentimental pleasure to see them at last that I was ready to overlook that. The Dwarves' song is gorgeous, and making it one of the main musical themes was a very good decision by Mr Shore.

The Dwarves - meh, a mixed pack. Balin was great, and the developping friendship between him and Bilbo was portrayed well, I think (it should have been him who caught Bilbo trying to sneak away!). Fili & Kili were OK too except for being beardless - in one or two scenes where Thórin reprimanded them they reminded me of Merry and Pippin, but there was also that sense of a strong bond between them and Thórin. As for the others, I had a hard time remembering which was supposed to be which (except for Bomburix who was sort of obvious; and the lumberjack, was that Bofur or who?), and the silly hairdos didn't help.

Thórin's main fault was that he wasn't Thórin. That brooding, darkly handsome hero would never have written the casuistic contract Bilbo signed (although I could imagine Balin doing that for him). Also, when he told Bilbo "you don't belong to us" it seemed as if he was trying to spare Bilbo instead of dratting and confounding the goodfornothing burglar, as the real Thórin would have done. You know who he really is? Túrin! Túrin Turambar! Maybe the scriptwriters got confused, the names being so similar and all?

The three trolls - great scene, all in all (and in the German version we even got the equivalent to burrahobbit, so there!). The end was a bit half-assed, like they wanted to show Bilbo showing brains and doing his part but were reluctant to lose the Gandalf ex machina moment, which is actually understandable as lots of people would have complained otherwise, so nevermind.

Radagast - reminded me a lot of Catweazle, which isn't at all bad. I see he has his own thread, so I'll give my full opinion on him there. As for the Rhosgobel rabbits, they would have fitted in very well if PJ & Co. had filmed the children's fairy tale Tolkien actually wrote, not so well in the action adventure they did make.

I suppose this is the point where I must deal with the Rutger Hauer orc, otherwise known as Azog, and that silly vendetta between him and Thórin Turambar, or vice versa. If he had to survive at all, why not save him for the Battle of Five Armies? Well, yeah, people might forget who he was, or not have seen the first movie at all and wonder where he comes from; and I suppose they needed a main villain for the first movie, with the Sauromancer probably playing the part in the second and Smaug in the third, but you know what? I don't care. That whole nemesis/vendetta thing is sooo old (see post title), especially when it happens for no other reason than because the scriptwriters decree it so. I mean, what does Azog have to seek revenge from Thórin for? Yeah, the loss of a hand. How original.

So let's move on to more pleasant matters. The White Council was very nice to see, and I loved the osanwe between Gandalf and Galadriel, you could see the special understanding between them - after all, she originally wanted him to head the Council, didn't she? On the other hand, they made it seem as if he was somehow beholden or subordinate to her, which is stupid, although consistent with PJ's general diminishment of Gandalf's stature; but as the latter has been and apparently still is discussed at great length elsewhere on these Downs I'll say no more of it here. While I'm talking of Galadriel though, I adore Cate Blanchett (especially her smile*swoon*) but I could have done with less angelic poses that made her scenes look like commercials for cosmetics or haute couture.

The mountains. I admit I squee'd at the first hint of stone giants, but what followed was plain ridiculous. Please, please, pleeease Mr Jackson, couldn't you spare us further scenes like that and remake Godzilla instead? (Or has he already? Well, remake Son of Godzilla then.)

Bilbo trying to sneak away - that was the "Go home, Sam" of this film, and let's leave it at that.

I'd have loved to hear "Down, down to goblin town" and being spared the silly laundry chute. I liked the Great Goblin though, if only because he veeery vaguely reminded me of the illustration of him in my German edition of TH. Bonus for recognizing Beater and Biter.

The escape from goblin town was where the film lost me. Those scenes felt like Matrix Reloaded Reloaded, and I didn't like that kind of CGI materialschlacht back then; not to mention that all those wholly unbelievable falls and swerving camera dives were nauseating to watch in 3D.

The Riddles in the Dark Scenes, on the other hand, were done well, except that Gollum was too cute and they overdid that split personality thing, both mistakes repeated from LotR; but you could sense how meeting Bilbo made Sméagol remember his long-forgotten life in the sunlight and the games of his youth from centuries ago, the rapport between two hobbits, although they couldn't be more different. Nice acting by Freeman and Serkis.

The burning pines in the night were visually glorious - pure visuals are something which PJ mostly gets right. Don't know why the Gandalf-butterfly-thing from LotR had to be rehashed - I mean, couldn't we have Landroval receive a croaked report in subtitled Eaglish from Gwaihir and decide to look into the matter? After all, we got enough subtitled fake Orcish, so... ? Well, maybe not, but still: a butterfly? Lazy.

I don't really have to write down what I think of turning that scene into a showdown between Azog and Thórin and Bilbo saving Thórin's life, do I? If you turn Bilbo into a heroic fighter and have Thórin apologize and wax all warmhearted towards him (which made me yell at the screen, "You're supposed to do that on your deathbed, you idiot!"), what development do you have left for the next two films? Couldn't Fili and Kili have done that instead of Bilbo? And couldn't they have killed Azog dead for good so we can have Bolg in part III?

(Yesyesyes, I do get that Bilbo had to level up and be accepted by the Dwarves to round the film off dramaturgically or some such. I'd have preferred them to achieve that by making two movies instead of three, with the break after Barrels out of Bond - I mean, is it a law of nature that movies about hobbits and rings have to come in trilogies? But I also get that three movies make more money than two.)

I'm not saying it wasn't entertaining (apart from the parts that were simply nauseating, see above); there were parts I enjoyed a lot, and parts I might have enjoyed if I hadn't known it was supposed to be The Hobbit. I don't regret the money, but I don't think I'll pay to see it a second time, not even to dissect it better. I'll probably watch the other two parts out of curiosity, although, remembering Jackson's LotR, I have a bad feeling it's going to get worse from here.