I am glad I waited till my proper lunch break to read the song. I was giggling so much!
Love it!!! The silliness is perfect.
A few verh small points:
- O, what bravery! O, he's such a hero!: is there a particular reason you didn't go for the more literal "Such heroic gestures"? I think it rhymes better with "distance".
- The whole squabble: it's brilliant! An absolutely inspired comedic section. The whole thing. (Btw, how old are they now - 200+ or something years old at least?)
- For the other who'll rule Nargothrond! --> "For the other brother" perhaps? It works without too, but as a slow "strong beats only" variant.
- Wait, we're solving this amicably?: I am pretty sure the Russian here refers to a parent's permission for the daughter's marriage, but I was laughing so much at the incredulity in your version. Oh Celegorm!
Besides, Cur, don't you already have a kid and all? Don't get so excited!