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Old 11-04-2017, 11:56 AM   #49
ArcusCalion
Shade of Carn Dūm
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 311
ArcusCalion has just left Hobbiton.
everything looks good.

BoT-13.7, -13.8: It cannot be Ulmo who says it, bc the next sentence says "In this there was some covert reflection upon Manwe and Ulmo" The way this is constructed it cannot be attributed to anyone besides Melkor without quite seeming to fit. The imagery of Ulmo being alone in the deep is also given later, in the next chapter, so we dont need to repeat it here. As for the second addition, I like it and I think it is in line with the later idea, minus the promises of Melkor. I would change
Quote:
and trusted his {promises}[departure] not at {all}[for long],
to
Quote:
and trusted [that] his {promises}[departure] [was] not {at all}[for long],
Also the bit about the words of [Ulmo] should be removed if we do not take up part 1.
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