Great job, Findegil. Aside from the obvious omissions of dated place and person names, the integration of other works into the flow of the passage was stupendous. I have only one extremely miniscule piece of input, probably not even worth noting.
Quote:
The sons of Dior and Nimloth were Eluréd and Elurín; and a daughter also was born to them, and she was named Elwing, which is Star-spray, for she was born on a night of stars, whose light glittered in the spray of the waterfall of Lanthir Lamath beside her father's house./Sil77/ But Beren went no more to war, and his land was filled with loveliness and a wealth of flowers; and while Beren was and Lúthien remained Men called it oft {Cuilwarthien}[Dor Firn-i-Guinar], the Land of the Dead that Live.
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I would leave out the "but" in "But Beren went no more to war..." sentence, since the word implies a conflict between the clause "But Beren went no more to war" and the added bit from the
Silmarillion, and I see none. I would simply omit it or replace it with "[And]". The "but" makes sense in the context of the original passage, but your addition from the
Silm calls for an omission of the word.
Just a rather mundane observation, great work all in all!