[Child of the 7th Age]

The morn of 15 Cermie dawned grey upon the Star. The magic of the lights which had captured them only a day ago seemed to be hidden from view. Even the star of Earendil which had offered hope last night had slid beneath the horizon to voyage towards some unknown place. In the hearts of those upon the ship, reality was beginning to harden.

Cami awoke that morning with a heavy longing in her heart. Most of the doing and acting and planning lay behind them. They were left with only waiting, and the waiting seemed unbearable to her. Cami wished it was time to set out on the skiff towards the Anduin. She wished she could grow wings and fly into the tombs. She wished she could see Bird and Daisy again. But such wishing without doing was only foolishness.

Cami rearranged her weapons and the few belongings she would take. She polished the lance that Kali had selected for her. Still the sun crept across the sky ever so slowly, advancing in its course only an inch or two. She stirred restlessly from her cabin and went into the galley. A few hobbrim were there preparing a meal. Even they acted strangely subdued. Cami could see Piosenniel sitting by herself. She thought of going and speaking with her, but something in the Elf's manner said she wanted to be alone. The Man was nowhere to be seen.

Cami's eyes met briefly with those of the Elf, then they both turned away. The hobbit slipped out from the galley, climbing above under overcast skies. She saw Ancalimon leaning against the rail and looking out at the sea. His outward expression gave no inkling of his thoughts.

Perhaps, he too wanted to be alone, Cami thought. But something inside impelled her to his side. For some time, neither of them spoke. Then, Cami was the first to whisper her fears.

"I think I'm afraid," she said, staring stonily out to the waves. "And I think others are afraid too," she shuddered slightly. "Only no one is saying anything."

"What are you afraid of?" he asked.

Cami stopped and thought a moment. For a moment, she wasn't sure of her answer to that question. When she responded, it was with a small, hesitating voice.

"I'm not certain. Only I know one thing. I'm not afraid of dying. I'm not looking to die. In fact, a voice inside says I'm supposed to live on, even though that can be just as hard sometimes. But if something happens and I need to give my life, I accept that as my doom. And I'm not going to dwell on it ahead of time." She stood silent for a while, her eyes still uncertain.

"Then what is it?" Ancalimon probed.

Cami heard Ancalimon's voice cutting into her thoughts. She finally responded, "I think there are two things. I can feel the frustration and uncertainty all about me. I see people struggling with things half hidden in their hearts."

"The Elf?" he asked simply.

"She's not the only one. But, yes, Piosenniel seems to be upset. And Mithadan as well."

Ancalimon shook his head, "Some things are beyond you, little one."

"I know." She looked up at the peddler with sadness. "But it doesn't make it any easier seeing your friends this way. I would talk with her, but I'm not sure it would help. Maybe if Bird were here. They're very old friends." Her voice trailed off.

"Leave her be for now, Cami. She knows you're here. This is much she needs to work through on her own. If she needs you, she will come to talk about that something."

Whatever that something was, Ancalimon was not about to share it, even if he knew.

"Is that all?" he prodded again.

Cami shook her head. "That's not the worst. What if we fail? My people will perish from Arda. Nothing will be the same again, ever. Maybe we'll just fade from the earth. Only we aren't like Elves, because there's no Elvenhome for us to go to. And the job we're supposed to do, those notes in the music, where will all that go?"

He looked at her and smiled. "You are worrying too much, Camelia Goodchilde. You are only a very small hobbit. Neither you or I are master of these things. Worry about your own part. Worry about your friends. Your words and actions can make a difference. But you are not the author of the whole story. And there are things in this world you can not even imagine."

"Then on these wider things, I am left with only estel," she looked curiously into his face.

"I fear so," he said. "It has ever been that way. Only know that the most important things in Arda are those that you can neither see nor touch."

"And if one way does not work, if the Star fails in its task.....?" The question came tumbling out half-unfinished.

"Then we must hope and believe that another way will be found. In any other direction lies despair, and despair does not sit well on hobbit heads. Or any others for that matter." At this point, he seemed lost in thought.

Cami looked up and smiled, "Now I did not say I was in despair, only that I feared."

Ancalimon nodded, "I believe you. Only be careful that one does not lead to another. But you are a stubborn one, and that, I think, will protect you."

"And," he looked around at her, "I do not think you have forgotten the promises spoken on Tol-Fuin that night."

She shook her head in fierce denial, and said only a single word. "Never!"

"Then remember those things, and what I've said, to try and make this waiting a easier. If it's any consolation, I too dislike this sitting and waiting and wondering. I will be glad when the waiting is over, and we can begin to do."

Then Cami nodded and went off to find Rose.

[ October 22, 2002: Message edited by: Child of the 7th Age ]