Just some quick points not directly tied to Aragorn's assertiveness...
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That was a complex situation. I don't know if Tolkien himself had developed all the ultimate complexities at the time of writing. Rohan existed because of the gift of the Steward who ruled until the King returned. Theoretically, that gift could be revoked by the returned King. Aragorn was put in an awkward situation because he was asked (unknowingly on the part of the askers, it is true) to diminish his status and acknowledge the supremacy of the King of Rohan within the bounds of Rohan. Those bounds, however, could still be considered provisional as they had not been confirmed by the King. Acknowledging the claim of the King of Rohan could diminish the legal standing of the King of Gondor should he decide to revoke the gift of Calenardhon.~Kuru
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I disagree that Aragorn could have undone the Oath of Cirion and Eorl. Now when Cirion first cedes Calenhardon to Eorl and his people, granting them sovereignty and freedom from Gondor's laws and customs (but bound in an eternal friendship and alliance), he says it shall be so "until the Great King returns." It may sound like Aragorn returning as the "Great King" would be able to override a previous Steward's decision, but it's not quite that simple. As you say it's a complex situation.
Because Eorl and Cirion go to Elendil's tomb and bind it with an oath, that the UT says:
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Such an oath had not been heard in Middle-earth since Elendil himself had sworn alliance with Gil-galad King of the Eldar~Cirion and Eorl
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Aragorn breaking that oath, would have some terrible consequences. And don't forget, at this time as Hama rightfully points out Aragorn does not sit yet on the throne of Gondor, and even if he did Rohan's sovereignty is sworn by more than just "legally" (a Steward exercising a decision in place until the "Great King" returns) but bound by the oaths of Cirion and Eorl, at a "holy site" in the "keeping of the Valar."
Similarly, as Aragorn, being Isildur's heir is the judge over the King of the Mountain fulfilling his peoples' oath to Isildur. Aragorn as the "Great King" would have the oath of Cirion and Eorl pass on to him. And I don't think it's a matter of just overriding a Steward's ruling. Rohan's sovereignty and freedom from Gondor is sealed by a sworn word, as long as Eorl and his heirs keep their oath that they are allies eternally, "Gondor's enemies are Rohan's enemies" then Aragorn would be expected to keep Cirion's oath.
Which is why you have Gandalf there to mediate, and tell Aragorn as silly as Théoden's demand is, he will have his own way, in his own hall and land.