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Old 11-08-2011, 10:41 AM   #31
Findegil
King's Writer
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 1,694
Findegil is a guest of Tom Bombadil.
Further comments:

BL-EX-06: I do not much like to lose these lines. What about:
Quote:
and there they lived, and the sucked bones
lay white beneath on the dark stones -
now all these horrors like a cloud
BL-EX-06 {faded from}[laid on his] mind. The waters loud
falling from pineclad heights {no more}[of decay]
he heard, those waters {grey and }frore[ and gray]
that bittersweet he drank and filled
his mind with madness {- all was stilled}[yet unstilled].
Line 1833: What a bot this:
Quote:
There countless torches fitfully
did start and twinkle, as BL-RG-08.5 {the Gnomes}[Noldor] alone
were gathered to their fading {homes}home,
and thronged the long and winding stair
that led to the wide echoing square.
Okay, I added the information that it were only Noldor who gahtered in Tirion, but that info is at least correct.

BL-RG-09 and [b]BL-RG-11.5[7b]: Good suggestions.

Line 1880: I think you have one feet to much in line 1883. What about:
Quote:
The wars and wandering BL-RG-11.7{of the Gnomes}[that them befell]
this tale {tells not. Far from their homes}has not the space to tell.
{they}They fought and laboured in the North{.},
when Fingon {daring alone}on his owne went forth
and sought for {Maidros}[Maedron] where he hung;
BL-RG-16 and BL-EX-09: Agreed.

BL-EX-10:I agree to your two suggestions, but I think we have not enough counted sylables in these lines. What about:
Quote:
BL-EX-10 <GA But Felagund spoke ere farewell:
'{But this}This I {will }say to{ you, Celegorn}[Celegorm] the fell,
by{ the} sight that is given me{ in} this hour,
{that}by neither {thou}thine nor any power
{son of Fëanor}shall thy kin {regain the Silmarils ever unto world's end.}their Jewels regain
before the End; for all in vain

you swore. And this that we now seek
shall to liberty come indeed
but never to your hands shall it fall.
Nay, your oath shall devour youall,
and{ deliver} to other {keeping}much more fitfull care
Lúthien’s great{the} bride-price {of Lúthien}bear.'>
That is as fare as time allows for today.
Respectfuly
Findegil
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