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Old 11-03-2017, 04:32 PM   #26
Late Istar
Join Date: Mar 2001
Posts: 2,143
Aiwendil has been trapped in the Barrow!
VT-LQ-04b, VT-LT-06 & VT-LT-11.5: Yeah, I suppose it is plausible for them to be within the gardens of Vana and Lorien and still near Ezellohar. It still feels a little - I don't know, too convenient, perhaps. But that's just a feeling, not an argument.

As far as the "never disturbed" pieces, maybe we can just change them to "seldom disturbed" and "seldom spilled."
That would probably work.

VT-LT-06: Since we've already told in the Valaquenta that his right name is Irmo but that he is called Lorien after his gardens, I don't think we need to repeat it here. So I'd opt rather for:

VT-LT-06 <LT Lrin {too} dwelt far away, and his hall was great and dimly lit and had wide gardens. The place of his dwelling he called Murmuran, which Aul made of mists gathered beyond [Avathar] upon the Shadowy Seas. It was set in the South by the feet of the Mountains of Valinor upon the confines of the realm, but its gardens wandered marvelously .....
The line you are looking for is in the chapter: "Of Men:"
Ah, that's right; thanks. My concern now is that the statement in "Of Men" expresses this proposition with uncertainty ("some say . . .") - therefore I hesitate very much as to whether we can make a certain statement. So I'm still tempted to delete the statement about the fate of men here. We could perhaps instead add doubt to this passage as well, something like:

VT-LT-13b<LT{The}And another hall {that she loved best}there was, one yet wider and more dark than {V}[the first]{, and she too named it with her own name, calling it Fui}. Therein before {her}[his] black chair burnt a brazier with a single flickering coal, and the roof was of bats' wings, and the pillars that upheld it and the walls about were made of basalt. Thither[, some say,] came the sons of Men to hear their doom, and thither are they brought by all the multitude of ills that {Melko}[Melkor]'s evil music set within the world. Slaughters and fires, hungers and mishaps, diseases and blows dealt in the dark, cruelty and bitter cold and anguish and their own folly bring them here; and {Fui}[Nmo] reads their hearts.>
VT-EX-39 / VT-LT-14: I don't know, I think we'd be taking a great liberty by changing the clouds of despair to clouds of hope. Not least because a "cloud of despair" is a common metaphor and a "cloud of hope" isn't.

VT-EX-30.1: My preference would also be to keep her explicitly a Maia of Vana, but I don't feel particularly strongly about it.
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