[Kath]

Kara smiled to see Eodwine finally untie Javan and head back towards them, with the Eorl looking happier and Javan at least less mutinous than he had earlier. Those events had only been on the periphery of her awareness for most of the day however, as helping to build a makeshift kitchen and then getting a meal ready for all the hungry people that had been labouring all day had taken most of her attention. In addition, once she and Ginna had returned from fetching what little free wood there was to find they had been given the extra duty of keeping an eye on Leodern, who was too little to climb the trees and help like the other children but was sure to get in the way and get hurt if she wasn't watched.

Surprisingly though it was Frodides who took over care of the little girl, leaving Kara and Ginna to deal with dinner. It seemed that the older cook had decided to give her two proteges a little more responsibility after their move to Scarburg, something that both girls had taken on happily though they doubted it would last once a real kitchen existed for Frodides to reign over again.

In the meantime they had taken the advantage of a distracted supervisor to have a good old gossip. It was something Frodides would likely have enjoyed, but without the usual soundproofing offered by the thick walls at the old Mead Hall there would have been no way to stop everything she said being heard by those that shouldn't hear it. As well as that, Kara wanted to talk to Ginna about a certain master Harreld, and she knew the girl trusted her to keep anything she heard quiet than she did Frodides. Ginna hadn't known the older woman as long as Kara had, and didn't yet realise that despite Frodides’ love of a good chat, she would take a confidence to the grave.

“So,” Kara started quietly, “have you thought any more about Harreld?”

Ginna gave her friend a startled look, her head then shooting to the side to check that no one else had heard.

“What do you mean?” She replied, hoping this wasn’t going where she thought it might be.

“Well, last I heard you’d given him the brush off.” Kara continued. “I thought perhaps he might be discouraged from coming here because of that and yet here he is, so I was wondering if maybe you’d said anything more to him?”

Ginna shook her head slowly, a slight frown on her face as she concentrating on her work.

“I thought … I doubted that he would come to Scarburg, I thought I had, well, it doesn’t matter.”

Now it was Kara’s turn to frown. She had thought this would be a rather light conversation, having assumed that Harreld’s appearance had been due to words between him and Ginna. She was obviously mistaken, but now wanted more information if only in order to help stop her friend looking so despondent.

“It matters if it’s upsetting you.” She said gently, hoping to draw Ginna out a bit but not wanting to push. She thought that perhaps Ginna felt that she had said enough as she didn’t reply for a long moment, but eventually she put down what she was doing, stared down at her hands and began to speak.

“It does upset me, but it’s my own fault. I led him on Kara, I … I knew how he felt and I knew that my own feelings didn’t stretch as far and yet I let him think that they did. I feel so guilty for that. I just, I was in such a new place with so many new people and it was nice to know that I, well that I had a little bit of power I suppose, and that was just cruel of me. And now I don’t know how to talk to him or even if I should because I know that I’ve hurt him and I want to make it better somehow, but I just don’t know how.”

The words came out in a jumble, she had obviously been holding all of this in for a long time, but the feelings behind them were clear. Kara was saddened to see the glint of tears in Ginna’s eyes and went to comfort her. Putting an arm around Ginna’s shoulders she pulled her friend close and stroked her hair, just as she’d have done with Leodern.

“I’m sorry.” She said. “I shouldn’t have asked.”

“It’s alright.” Ginna replied, voice tight as she tried to control the desire to cry. “I think maybe I needed to talk about it. I did a horrible thing and I want so much to make it right but I’m scared that I can only make things worse.”

“You haven’t spoken to him at all since …?”

“No. I want to, but every time I imagine what I might say to him there’s just a blank. I have no idea what to do for the best so I decided to just leave it and hope that maybe with time and a new place he might forgive me. I’m not sure I deserve it but I hate that I feel scared every time we pass each other.”

“Scared?” Kara asked, surprised. “But Harreld would never harm you. He might be hurt but – ”

“No!” Ginna cried. “That’s not what I mean at all! It’s just, when you hurt someone and you know that it’s your fault you feel afraid to be near them because, well, because you’re scared that by being near them you’ll just hurt them again. Or because if you try to talk to them that might be the wrong thing for them. It’s, oh it’s impossibly to try and explain Kara, I’m sorry.”

“Oh no it’s alright, I think I understand.” Kara said, shushing Ginna gently for she had become quite agitated as she failed to find the words to explain what she meant. “Though I’m not sure I can help at all. It’s a very sticky situation, but maybe just leaving it isn’t the best idea? I know that you’re worried about how he’ll react but perhaps explaining or even just apologising to Harreld might make things easier? You’re carrying around so much guilt and he so much hurt. A conversation would be very difficult on both of you but it might help afterwards.”

“I don’t know.” Ginna replied, sounding lost. “I just don’t know how to deal with this at all, and that makes me not want to deal with it all the more. Can we just, please let’s just leave it for now? Maybe when everything is more settled here we’ll talk about it again. Until then I think I’d rather we didn’t talk about Harreld anymore.”

Kara was about to agree to that when the conversation was interrupted by a clear little voice piping up from behind them.

“Why wouldn’t you want to talk about Harreld? I think he’s lovely.”

The two girls turned to find Leodern, perched on Frodides’ hip, right behind them. Glancing around quickly Kara was relieved to find that no one else had heard the comment, indeed most people were now concentrated around Eodwine and Javan. She opened her mouth to try and distract the little girl from her line of questioning, but found herself interrupted again by Frodides who had scented gossip and was now determined to have some.

“Yes.” The older cook said, settling herself in next to Kara and Ginna. “Why ever not?”