[greyhavener]

I love these. Austen and Twain were my favorites. And of course Monty Python. Here's my idea.

If Mel Brooks had written LOTR

Scene 140: Gift-giving in Lorien

Glad-gal shimmys over to Arrogant. "Maybe this will lighten your heart for it was left in my care to give to you"
She removes a forty pound silver brooch with two large prongs protruding straight out from her cape. As the cape falls away considerable cleavage is revealed.
Arrogant (leers into her bosum) "How about lightening it a little bit more."
Arrogant pins the brooch in the center of his chest, loses his balance and falls forward onto his face.

Glad-gal moves on to Boringmore, Nerdy and Drippin all of whom have mullet haircuts and presents them with western belts with ornate buckles about ten inches in diameter emblazoned with each of their names.

To Legless the elf she presents two prosthesis. Gimli clumsily tries to help him attach them to his stumps.

Glad-gal turns to Samwich who looks at her expectantly. "For you I have..."
She gazes around with frantically. She rushes over to a tree and picks up a box and hastily fills it with dirt.

Meanwhile Glumly has managed to get the legs on Legless backwards.
Legless takes two steps backwards and the legs fall off.
He picks one up and hits Glumly on the head.

Glad-gal straightens up and with much flourish she presents Samwich with the box.
"...a box of dirt!" she declares triumphantly.

She turns to Glumly. "Nothing for you...elves don't like dwarves."

Legless throws the other leg and knocks Glumly out.

Glad-gal turns to Frobro, a black hobbit with a gigantic afro.
"For you, I have prepared this phial" She hand him a small glass phial.
Frobro puts the phial into his hair where it disappears.
"I also packed lembas for you to eat on the way."
She hand Samwich a picnic basket covered with a red checkered tablecloth.

All the elves (about 50) begin doing the limbo singing "lembas, lembas, lembas, lembas"

Frobro bows to Glad-gal and several knives, a pipe, the phial, keys, a hair pick, and a condom fall out of his hair. He hastily picks it all up and puts it all back in where it disappears.

The company departs with Boringmore dragging an unconscious Glumly.

Legless follows several feet behind the rest with his legs attached but hinged somewhat sideways.

END OF SCENE