Some (very preliminary) thoughts:
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This wilful death was not regarded as wicked, but it was a fault implying some defect or taint in the fea, and those who came to Mandos by this means might be refused further incarnate life.
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Not having read this in it's original context, this seems to say that 'wilful death' is a symptom of some kind of spiritual disease.
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suicide is not wicked but is a 'fault' that may earn a fate identical to that of the wickedest elf (since i am not aware of anything worse than an eternity in Mandos)
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Hmmm... I wonder if there's another way of looking at this... Perhaps an analogy could be made as follows: If you have a horrible flesh-eating disease, your hands may fall off. If you take a sharp knife and do a bit of home amputation, you may find yourself missing a hand. (sorry this is such a gruesome analogy, I'll edit it to something more pleasant if I think of anything) Chopping your hand off could be described as 'wicked', a flesh-eating disease would be a sign of some 'fault' in your body, but the end result would be the same, regardless of morality.
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In Christian dogma, suicide is routinely classed as the worst of sins
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(Say not 'routinely'. The Bible says all sins are equal.) I don't know what Tolkien's particular beliefs were - I imagine that, as you suggest, he might have been influenced by Norse and Stoic ideas to nearly the same extent as official Roman Catholic belief. Anyone got any biographical/letters quotes?
After all that, I don't think I've gone past your orignal tension between 'Authority is not given to you, Steward of Gondor, to order the hour of your death...' and 'This wilful death was not regarded as wicked'.