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Old 10-09-2015, 04:35 PM   #172
Findegil
King's Writer
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
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Findegil is a guest of Tom Bombadil.
Earlier as I aspected, I got a chance to make a draft. Here we go:
Quote:
FG-T-23 Then Turgon {king of Gondolin} <Narn King of Gondolin>, <TO tallest of all the Children of the World, save Thingol>, robed in white with a belt of gold, and a coronet of garnets was upon his head, <TO {with a}[and at his side] a white and gold sword in a ruel-bone sheath,> stood before his doors and spake from the head of the white stairs that led thereto. ‘Welcome, O Man of the Land of Shadows. Lo! thy coming was {set in our books of wisdom}[foretold by Ulmo], {and it has been written}[saying] that {there would come to pass many great things in the homes of the Gondothlim} <QS77 beyond ruin and fire hope shall be born for Elves and Men> whenso thou faredst hither.’ <QS77 {and}[And] upon the King's right hand there stood Maeglin his sister-son, but upon his left hand sat Idril Celebrindal his daughter> <TO {and that it was to be emphasized, either when Tuor first set eyes upon Idril or at some earlier point, that}[and at the sight of her Tuor marvelled, for] he had known or even seen few women in his life. Most of the women and all the children of Annael's company in Mithrim were sent away south; and as a thrall Tuor had seen only the proud and barbarous women of the Easterlings, who treated him as a beast, or the unhappy slaves forced to labour from childhood, for whom he had only pity.>
FG-T-24 Then spake Tuor, and Ulmo set power in his heart and majesty in his voice. ‘Behold, O father of the City of Stone, I am bidden by him who maketh deep music in the Abyss, and who knoweth the mind of Elves and Men, to say unto thee that the days of Release draw nigh. FG-T-24.1{There have come to the ears of Ulmo whispers of your dwelling and your hill of vigilance against the evil of Melko, and he is glad: but his}His heart is wroth FG-T-24.2{and the hearts of the Valar are angered who sit in the mountains of Valinor and look upon the world from the peak of Taniquetil, }seeing the sorrow of the thraldom of the {Noldoli}[Elves] and the wanderings of Men; for {Melko}[Melkor] ringeth them in the Land of Shadows beyond {hills of iron}[Ered Wethrin]. FG-T-24.3Therefore have I been brought by a secret way to FG-T-24.4<QS77 {And he gave}give warning to {Turgon}you that the Curse of Mandos now hastened to its fulfilment, when all the works of the Noldor should perish> and FG-T-24.5 bid you number your hosts and prepare for battle, for the time is ripe.’ FG-T-24.55<Q30 {and}And he bade Turgon to send again his messengers into the West>; FG-T-24.57<Q30; QI promising that Ulmo would win the hearts of the Valar to send him succour.> FG-T-24.77 <S If Turgon {does}did {Ylmir}[Ulmo]'s will Tuor {is}was to abide a while in Gondolin>FG-T-24.79<Q30 {Summons}, but summons too should {he}Turgon send into the East and gather, if he might, Men (who were now multiplying and spreading on the earth) unto his banners; and for that task Tuor was most fit. 'Forget,' counselled Ulmo, 'the treachery of Uldor the accursed, and remember Hurin; for without mortal Men the Elves shall not prevail against the Balrogs and the Orcs.' Nor should the feud with the sons of Feanor be left unhealed; for this should be the last gathering of the hope of the {Gnomes}[Noldor], when every sword should count.> FG-T-25{
Then spake Turgon: ‘That will I not do, though it be the words of Ulmo and all the Valar. I will not adventure this my people against the terror of the Orcs, nor emperil my city against the fire of Melko.’
}Then spake Tuor: ‘{Nay, if}If thou dost not now dare greatly then will the Orcs dwell for ever and possess in the end most of the mountains of the Earth, and cease not to trouble both Elves and Men, even though by other means the Valar contrive hereafter to release the {Noldoli}[Noldor]; but if thou trust now to the Valar, though terrible the encounter, then shall the Orcs fall, and {Melko}[Melkor]'s power be minished to a little thing.’ FG-T-24.8<Q30 A terrible and mortal strife he foretold, FG-T-24.9 but victory if Turgon would dare it, the breaking of Morgoth’s power, and the healing of feuds, and friendship between Men and Elves, whereof the greatest good should come into the world, and the servants of Morgoth trouble it no more.> FG-T-24.95{
But Turgon said that he was king of Gondolin and no will should force him against his counsel to emperil the dear labour of long ages gone; but}And Tuor said, for thus was he bidden by Ulmo who had feared the reluctance of Turgon: ‘{Then am }I am bidden to say that at least FG-T-24.6<Q30 abandon Gondolin and lead {his}your people> {men of the Gondothlim repair swiftly and} secretly down the river Sirion to the sea, FG-T-25.65<Q30; QI ere Morgoth could oppose {him}you, and at Sirion's mouth Ulmo {would}will befriend {him}you, and lend his aid to the building of>{and there build them} boats and {go}to seek back to Valinor: lo! the paths thereto are forgotten and the highways faded from the world, and the seas and mountains are about it, yet still dwell there the Elves on the hill of {Kôr}[Tuna] and the {Gods}[Valar] sit in Valinor, though their mirth is minished for sorrow{ and fear of Melko}, and they hide their land and weave about it inaccessible magic that no evil come to its shores. Yet still might thy messengers win there and turn their hearts that they rise in wrath and smite {Melko}[Melkor], and destroy the Hells of Iron that he has wrought beneath the Mountains of Darkness.{’} FG-T-25.67<Q30 But in this counsel there {was}is danger more dire than in the other, though so it might not seem; and grievous thereafter would be the fate of the Outer Lands.
This errand Ulmo performed out of his love of the Elves, and because he knew that ere many years were passed the doom of Gondolin would come, if its people sat still behind its walls; not thus should anything of joy or beauty in the world be preserved from Morgoth's malice.> FG-T-24.91 Thus <Q30 Tuor spoke the embassy of Ulmo <TO in the hearing of all>, and something of the power and majesty of the Lord of Waters his voice had caught, so that all folk looked in wonder on him, and doubted that this were a Man of mortal race as he declared.>
FG-T-25.3< QS77 Then Turgon pondered long the counsel of Ulmo, and there came into his mind the words that were spoken to him in Vinyamar: 'Love not too well the work of thy hands and the devices of thy heart; and remember that the true hope of the Noldor lieth in the West, and cometh from the Sea.'> FG-T-25.31< Q30 But proud was Turgon become, and Gondolin as beautiful as a memory of {Tun}[Tirion], and he trusted in its secret and impregnable strength [b]FG-T-25.32[b]< QS77 , though even a Vala should gainsay it; and after the Nirnaeth Arnoediad>{; so that} he and the most part of his folk wished not to imperil it nor leave it, and they desired not to mingle in the woes of Elves and Men without; nor did they any longer desire to return through dread and danger to the West. FG-T-25.34{Meglin}[Maeglin] spoke ever against Tuor in the councils of the king, and his words seemed the more weighty in that they went with Turgon's heart. Wherefore Turgon rejected the bidding of Ulmo; though some there were of his wisest counsellors who were filled with disquiet. Wise-hearted even beyond the measure of the daughters of Elfinesse was the daughter of the king, and she spoke ever for Tuor, though it did not avail, and her heart was heavy. Very fair and tall was she, well nigh of warrior's stature, and her hair was a fountain of gold. Idril was she named, and called Celebrindal, Silver-foot, for the whiteness of her foot; and she walked and danced ever unshod in the white ways and green lawns of Gondolin.>
FG-T-25.35<moved from above Then spake Turgon: ‘That will I not do, though it be the words of Ulmo and all the Valar. I will not adventure this my people against the terror of the Orcs, nor emperil my city against the fire of {Melko}[Morgoth].’> FG-T-25.36<moved from above{But}And Turgon said that he was king of Gondolin and no will should force him against his counsel to emperil the dear labour of long FG-T-25.53{ages}[years] gone>. Then said Turgon: ‘{Every}Many year at the lifting of winter have messengers repaired swiftly and by stealth down the river FG-T-26 {that is called} Sirion to the coasts of the Great Sea, and there builded them boats whereto have swans and gulls been harnessed or the strong wings of the wind, and these have sought back beyond the moon and sun to Valinor; but the paths thereto are forgotten and the highways faded from the world, and the seas and mountains are about it, and they that sit within in mirth reck little of the dread of {Melko}[Morgoth] or the sorrow of the world, but hide their land and weave about it inaccessible magic, that no tidings of evil come ever to their ears. Nay, enough of my people have for years untold gone out to the wide waters never to return, but have perished in the deep places or wander now lost in the shadows that have no paths; and at the coming of next year no more shall fare to the sea, but rather will we trust to ourselves and our city for the warding off of {Melko}[Morgoth]; and thereto have the Valar been of scant help aforetime.’

Then Tuor's heart was heavy, and Voronwë wept; and Tuor sat by the great fountain of the king and its splashing recalled the music of the waves, and his soul was troubled by the conches of Ulmo and he would return down the waters of Sirion to the sea. But Turgon, who knew that Tuor, mortal as he was, had the favour of the Valar, marking his stout glance and the power of his voice sent to him and bade him dwell in Gondolin and be in his favour, and abide even within the royal halls if he would, FG-TG-01 <GA for Tuor was held in honour, for his kindreds sake>.
Then Tuor, for he was weary, and that place was fair, said yea; and hence cometh the abiding of Tuor in Gondolin. FG-TG-01.5 <QS77
But in the warning of Ulmo Turgon heard again the words that were spoken before the departing Noldor on the coast of Araman long ago; and the fear of treason was wakened in Turgon's heart. Therefore in that time the very entrance to the hidden door in the Encircling Mountains was caused to be blocked up; and thereafter none went ever forth from Gondolin on any errand of peace or war, while that city stood. FG-T-25.33< QS77 Shut behind their pathless and enchanted hills they suffered none to enter, though he fled from Morgoth hate-pursued; and tidings of the lands beyond came to them faint and far, and they heeded them little. The spies of Angband sought for them in vain; and their dwelling was as a rumour, and secret that none could find.>

>Of all Tuor's deeds among the {Gondothlim}[Gondolindrim] the tales tell not, …
Comments to my changes, most are repeated but I thought it might help to collect them here:
FG-T-23: This complete paragraph was already discussed and agreed. I add it only for completness.
FG-T-24: This marks only were the counsel of Ulmo (and the troule with it) begins.
FG-T-24.1: That Ulmo knowest of Gondolin is a given fact in our version, therefore part of this must go. But why gondowe took out so much he never explained.
FG-T-24.2: Earlier when he spoke to Tuor in Vinyamar Ulmo said that he did send Tuor against the will of the other Valar. Therefore he should not mention them here.
FG-T-24.3: The first part of the sentence was skipt by gondowe, but I think it should be kept.
FG-T-24.4: I put the warning first, to give it more wiegth.
FG-T-24.6 & FG-T-24.5: These two are back in the position they had have.
FG-T-24.55: If the voyage of Eärendil ist he final goal, then if Turgon would follow Ulmos biding Turgon is to send him.
FG-T-24.57: I took this up. It is not absolutley necessary, but as Ulmo does know quite well that Turgon had send many meassangers without availe, he should ofer some help to make the quest less hopeless.
FG-T-24.77: This deals with Tuor's role. As we agreed that the most improtant part for Ulmo was the fathering of Earendil, it might be necessary to emphasis that Tuor was never supposed to leave Gondolin at once to search for an allaince with men. This was made clear in the Sketch.
FG-T-24.79: As FG-T-24.77 splited this addition I added this to make more clear where this text comes from.
FG-T-25: Okay we agreed to have only one answer from Turgon.
The editing marks are hereafter no longer numbered in a stright forward fashion, but stick to the text fragments to which they were first applied.
FG-T-24.8: Here I used a big part of Q30 which is the latest telling we have.
FG-T-24.9: As Ulmos counsel to war is back, he might also promise victory.
FG-T-24.95: Again we skip Turgons answer.
FG-T-24.6 & FG-T-24.65: Here at last we make the counsel explicit to leave Gondolin. The passage from Q30, QI add to make it more urgent.
FG-T-25.67: We lost that part of the greater danger if flight only was the course, but I thought it belongs here.
FG-T-24.91: I think that here is the right place to end Tuors mission. He has brought forward all choices and arguments that Ulmo could give. As wished in one long statement.
FG-T-25.3: If we want to put in FG-T-25.34 from Q30 with Maeglin speaking against Tuor, we need an intro here. And even so I am a bit reluctant to use that source QS77 is the best we can find and it is a nice echo of the words of Ulmo which come ultimatley from GA.
FG-T-25.31: At this point at last we know were the text from QS77 comes from.
FG-T-25.32: This change is questionable. It does bring the original text of Q30 to the text found in QS77. The text sound better to my ear, but we can consider it as a change for style only and reject it.
FG-T-25.35 & FG-T-25.36: Here I took together the answeres of Turgon.
FG-T-25.53: The ages are out of question. I wonder how they ever fited the time frame of LT.
FG-T-26: Not sure of this verys old change. It is rather one of style.
FG-GT-01 & FG-GT-01.5: This was already agreed upon.
FG-T-25.33: This we can probably leave out, but I found it very fitting as closer to the debate of Turgon and Tuor.

Respectfully
Findegil
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