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Old 03-31-2004, 09:00 PM   #162
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"Mother, is this it?" The Entish Guitar whispered to its mistress a few minutes later backstage.

"No," Leninia replied in an unusually calm manner, brushing her long black wistfully. "Strangely enough, I am about to lose."

"Er, what?" The Entish Guitar asked with inredulity.

"Good heavens! Do you take me for a third-rate goblin? Don't pretend that I can't count! I can. The numbers won't add up and I know it." Leninia momentarily slipped into her usual, i.e. irritable, manner of speech.

"Mother, doesn't this mean they're finally taking me away?!" The Entish Guitar yelped.

"Aw, honee," Leninia patted her, friend. "Just think of the whole nude [Leninia cast a brief glance in the direction of Earnur through the crack in the curtains; Poor Earnur, meanwhile, became confused as to the nature of the weird shivers running up his arms], er, new world out there."

"But Linnie!!!" The Entish Guitar screeched. "You never lose!!! You're seriously messing with my worldview!!! I'm going to need therapy for life!!!"

"First of all, don't call me Linnie," Leninia snapped. "Daddy used to call me that, and I hated it."

"The great evil wizard Rasta-Bust of the Dread-Lox of Doom used to call you Linnie?!" The Entish Guitar was shocked.

"And Ninnie, and Lili, and Nili, and..." Leninia furrowed her brow. "And, look, he wasn't all that great and evil anyway. He just had a good publicist. The only useful thing he taught me was recipe for magic tea. Half the time he was perfectly content to sit around, have conversations with his canaries, and giggle. Why do you think I erased that walking embarrasment from my birth certificate?

"And the Dread-Lox?" The Entish Guitar asked in a confused little voice.

"Fell victim to middle age," Leninia said, just as the crowd's growing unrest outside signaled her turn to take the stage.

"Am I coming with you?" The Entish Guitar asked. "Because, I mean, and this is going to sound really weird and uncharacteristic of me, but I sort of want to, for the first time ever, and, I guess, the last time ever, even though I still maintain that you're an evil, soul-sucking wench, and, um, I really hate you, it's been fun anyway, and, um..."

"Aw darling," Leninia leaned over, her soft hair tickling the Entish Guitar momentarily before she straightened up again. "Shut up, please. Time for me to face the music, hardy har har."

"I would have followed you 'till the end!" The Entish Guitar whispered grandly, as heart-breaking music swelled in the background. "Into the very essence of second-place obscurity! You're evil and soul-sucking, but your hair is so much better-looking than that Elf Chick!" Here the Entigh Guitar went on a lengthy tangent about the societal implications of dark-haired villians in ancient folklore.

Leninia, however, was no longer listening. She was facing her audience.

Dressed impeccably in green Frrgm, little Leninia observed the crowded auditorium. The Wights were hooting and clapping, and the dragon belched a fiery welcome to the tiny figure on the stage.

(Do be do be do do do aaaa
Do be do be do do do aaa

Ghostly voices chanted in the background, as Leninia began to sing:

I used to be a loser in my high-school days
I used to feel awkward and so silly all the time.
My pimples bloomed for all to see,
Oh, but now
I don't find myself so bitter now
Even though I'm creepy as can be

No more I curse you's
The Guitar is leaving me
No more I maim you's
Changes are banging
On my door.

(But are you still a monster? The ghostly voices piped up)

I entertained bad boys in my room at night
Designed, executed, designed,
So many shady deals

Oh, but noooow
I don't find myself enthralled by them at all
I don't even return their calls

No more I kill you's
The Guitar is leaving me,
No more I take your souls,
The Guitar is leaving me in silence,
No more I bust you up real good, boy,
Changes are banging on my door...

(Do be do be do do do aaa
Do be do be do do do aaa

On my front door...

Whether entranced by the unexpected song or utterly frozen by the over-achieving air conditioning unit, or both, the audience sat still in their seats, their disposition awkward, their bottoms extremely cold and uncomfortable.

"No wait a minute!" A lone voice suddenly screeched from backstage, piercing the stunned silence. "This isn't how it's supposed to end! Leninia! Remember your roots!"

"But I re-dyed my hair just yesterday!" Leninia yelled.

"Not those roots! Your cultural roots! Your heritage! Make Rasta-Bust proud!" And at this, the Entish Guitar rolled onto the stage, despite the attempts of what we can imagine to be an extremely burly Bouncer-Wight to restrain it.

"Aw, what the heck," Leninia said (though the authors imagine she must have used a stronger choice of words, they are mindful of the PG-rating stamped on their foreheads).

She threw the Guitar's strap over one delicate shoulder, stomped her delicate foot, and the auditorium exploded in a loud banging of what we presume to be pots and pans, the Guitar's strings screamed. Leninia kicked off her prim little shoes and rocked out and the invisible Wights joined her:

This show has taken its toll on me
The Ent said: *BEEP* off, too many times before;
But though my hopes are crushed thoroughly,
I guess can't kill you, 'cause I'm not as bad as you thought

Whoooah Whoooah Wooooooah

I tried my best to keep it pacified,
Kept it always by my side,
Whilst husbands went unsatisfied.
Kept playing it; it was my favourite pet,
And this is all the thanks I get,
Being born evil I regret.

This show has taken its toll on me,
The Ent said: *BEEP* off, too many times before;
But though I am as shallow as can be
I'll let it go; I've got to think of me.

"This is a trap!" Merisu hissed into the nearest ear, which happened to be Kuruharan's.

"Well, for an evil liar, she looks remarkably put-together," Kuruharan replied, his eyes aglow. "D'you think she'd go into the apparel business with me any time soon?"

'What is this apparel nonesense you are babbling about?" Earnur, who had a headache and couldn't be bothered with much of anything, snapped at Kuruharan.

"Ah the privilege of higher education," Orogarn Two snickered at Earnur. "Why if you learned how to use a dictionary, you'd..."

But he was interrupted by Soregum rising and delivering Leninia's score.

As high as the score was (and the authors admit to not being as good at adding numbers as Lovely Linnie, having spent that part of school flirting with their classmates via paper airplane), Leninia, sobbing now behind the curtain, new it wasn't enough to wistand the onslaught of the StillWithItship's secret weapon, which, having discreetly thrown up her magic tea in the most lady-like fashion possible (if throwing up could ever be lady-like), was ready to take center stage.

Last edited by Lush; 04-02-2004 at 06:05 PM.
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