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Old 03-22-2021, 03:44 PM   #426
Galadriel55
Blossom of Dwimordene
 
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: The realm of forgotten words
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Galadriel55 is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Galadriel55 is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Galadriel55 is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Galadriel55 is lost in the dark paths of Moria.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Huinesoron View Post
I, uh... I don't know. I think it sounds perfectly good? My music sense isn't strong enough to sense any time-warpiness, so it's definitely not over the top.
Good to know, thanks! I did try to smooth it out, so at least that worked. Just need to figure out now if it's better to undo the smoothing.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hui
In which case, I think your 'combined max' works wonderfully: Thingol gets the lines recognising that Luthien is actually in love, then has a beat to think on it, and acknowledges that they're not gonna stop until they have that Silmaril.

The 'madness' echo... I still don't think I like it. I can't make it sound good in my head, but also, in this song he's just recognising that Luthien is out of his hands; Hate is where he understands that he's wrought Doom.
Agreed. I also think that the madness-echo only works with the V1 structure ("how blind" coming in after Time's Weave, and Madness happening right after Blood and Sorrow). Since we've taken after the V2 structure, with both Blind and Madness together at the end, Thingol could feasibly echo "how blind I have become", but Madness would sound odd musically. Anyways, I think his stanza-echoes are better anyways, so let's just stick to those. I'll write the score accordingly. It might be a little while though, but likely before the end of next week.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hui
UGGGGH I hate that line. -_- That's probably my favourite verse, lyrically, but the final line is purely there for the rhyme and meaning, not for the flow of it. So... ideas?

Your words of wrath will bring us all low
And love and faith are proven hollow
And from the deeps a bitter fire-glow
The bitter fate that from your words grows

I don't knoooooow.
...That was actually surprising for me to hear. I didn't think there was anything wrong with the line, I thought is was perfectly fine aesthetically, and a precise and beautifully phrased translation. My quibble is more with the original lyrics, which repeatedly insist on linking Thigol's death and personal downfall with the Fall of Doriath, even though they are distinct events (e.g. "fell doom has fallen on the king under the hand of his own kinsfolk"). So I keep wavering about this line too ("you lost YOUR battle" in Russian), whether to keep up the link between Thingol and Doriath, or if making it "THE battle" leaves it more true to The Sil as it remains very vague.

So I actually quite like that line, except for being undecided between one source material and another. But if you feel strongly that it should be changed, I think it's best to keep the meaning there as much as possible. I don't see any problems with the flow, but if you're looking for a more exact rhyme, maybe something with "blow"? "Your foolish words have dealt your death-blow"? I feel like nothing I can come up with is actually better that what's already there.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hui
Brief update from my end: I'm only one image away from finishing the Prologue, after which I can get a shiny new version of the video up. Not sure when I'll draw it, though.
Yay! Again, no rush whatsoever. It will be exciting stuff whenever it comes.
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