[Kuruharan]

“How did that degenerate bum become Lord of the Breath of ‘Ard Liquor?” demanded Orogarn Two, a bit more loudly than might be considered prudent.

“Shhh,” hissed Merisuwyniel.

“I would think being degenerate might be of assistance,” mumbled Kuruharan in a much more subdued tone.

“Duuuude,” intoned Manuël Sàntana, “chill out!! I was chosen because, like, I was, like, the awsomest dude on the block!”

“Oh, very nice,” said Orogarn Two, clearly unimpressed. “And how do you figure that, eh?”

“By the Valleyfornia way, dude!” replied Sàntana. “By plebiscite!”

“What?” snapped Orogarn Two. “Are you proposing that you come from some sort of anarcho-syndicalist commune?”

“Like, totally, dude!” said Sàntana. “When my Old Man cooked up this new gig for us, we had, like, a competition to see who would rock out the most. I promised the peeps that if I was chosen I’d, like, keep running Muzak non-stop, the surf would always be up, and everyone could, like, lie around on the beach and drink strawberry margaritas day and night. Then everyone went and marked their super-secret decoder ring ballots. I won in a landslide, no hanging chads or nothing! So mellow out dude!”

“What?” cried Orogarn Two. “You weren’t crowned or anointed or…something?”

“Nope,” replied Manuël with a grin. “But I’m The Man, man!”

“Listen,” said Orogarn Two earnestly, “a bunch of people stuffing pieces of paper into a box is no basis for a system of government! Supreme executive power derives from the Mandate of Emu, not some farcical counting ceremony!”

“Chill out, man” said Sàntana.

Orogarn Two paid no attention. “You can’t expect to wield supreme executive power just because a bunch of misguided surfers with visions of utopian debaucheries dancing in their heads put checkmarks beside your name.”

“Duuude...” said Manuël.

“I mean,” continued Orogarn Two, completely unfazed, “if I went round saying I was premier just because I convinced a bunch of chumps to stand in line to shove some papers into a tin, they’d put me away!”

“Hey, man,” said Manuël Sàntana, becoming just ever so slightly flustered, “you’re, like, crimping my style, man! Just chill out, man!”

As if to emphasize his point, he raised TícTàc and played a mellow bit of Muzak.

“See, man,” said Manuël. “Just take it easy, man. Like, go with the flow!”

Orogarn Two turned to Merisuwyniel, “I begin to think our cause is hopeless!”

“I don’t think this conversation is being very constructive,” said Merisuwyniel.