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"What I am seeking..." she repeated softly, looking down. "For so many years, I have hidden my sorrows from the world, seeming to them ever joyful. Elves are supposed to honor the beauty in life, and I do... but I can never forget the blood... or the tears. The mindless slaying of the Teleri..." she sighed. "We were like sheep." she stated suddenly, harshly. "Led by a mad shepherd, and with nothing to say to or against it. All given free will by the grace of Eru, and all rebelling against the guardians He provided for us in his wisdom. We were fools...
"Will I find what I seek? Perhaps... after I learn what it is. The days grow long, Orėmir. I spend them silent, thinking of the past... of the days when the future seemed bright; the possibilities endless. My heart was kindled by the son of Finwe, and I believed in our quest. I knew that the Kinslaying was wrong... and yet I continued. It is one thing, Orėmir, to slay an orc... and quite another to watch the spirit of a loving Elf drain slowly from behind his eyes and the blood matches it's pace from wounds you inflicted... and it all for ships." she stopped, looking at her still full cup of tea. She sipped, soothing herself and her thirst.
"I long to be a child again, Orėmir." she whispered, opening her soul. "A willful child who has disobeyed, and run crying to her mother that she has made a terrible mistake. And I long for that mother to hold me tenderly and tell me it will all be all right. And yet I cannot see an end as such to match what I have done. It was of my will that I left; of my will that I slayed the innocent; of my will that more were slain. I cannot hope for forgiveness, but perhaps I can help my oldest comrades lay their own hearts and minds to rest."
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