[Thenamir]

To Whom it may concern:

I must take serious umbrage with The Phantom's complaints about the performance of the Hobbits and the officiating of their matches.

Several of the traits he cites are in error, and as for the rest hobbits have other skills which give them a lift over their natural disadvantages. For example, Phantom points out

hobbits should not be able to produce the necessary amount of kinetic energy to kick the ball with anywhere near the velocity of their opponents.

This may or may not be true, however the hobbits are possessed of

Originally Posted by JRR Tolkien, noted hobbit expert and FW for The Inklings

the art of disappearing swiftly and silently, when large folk whom they do not wish to meet come blundering by; ...their elusiveness is due solely to a professional skill that heredity and practice, and a close friendship with the earth, have rendered inimitable by bigger and clumsier races.

The hobbits do not need size to dominate, their speed and elusiveness is enough to outwit the bigger opponents.

As to how they can score goals and pass so effectively, allow me to quote again from the Learned Professor:

(Hobbits are) difficult to daunt ... doughty at bay ... they could survive rough handling by grief, foe, or weather in a way that astonished those who did not know them well and looked no further than their bellies and their well-fed faces...they were keen-eyed and sure at the mark.

You can't intimidate a hobbit by mere size, they will take all you dish out and still come back to surprise you. Their marksmanship and accuracy seem to be nearly legendary, especially in Bilbo:

As a boy he used to practise throwing stones at things, until rabbits and squirrels, and even birds, got out of his way as quick as lightning if they saw him stoop; and even grownup he had still spent a deal of his time at quoits, dart-throwing, shooting at the wand, bowls, ninepins and other quiet games of the aiming and throwing sort.

As for goalkeeping, they are renowned leapers:

Straight over Gollum's head he (Bilbo) jumped, seven feet forward and three in the air.

Now let's think about this for a minute. Bilbo was somewhere between 3'4" and 3'8" tall. An equivalent vertical leap for a 6' man would be 5'6", vertically, and 12' forward. This means that Bilbo's overhead reach at the top of his leap must have been something like 7'4" or thereabouts. Add to that the fact that, as a physical specimen at the time, Bilbo was hardly a trained athlete ready for goalkeeping -- for a hobbit, he wasn't even very well fed! With proper diet and strength training, combined with their keen eyesight and deft dexterity, a hobbit could be a very formidable goalkeeper indeed.

In light of the foregoing, I am showing The Phantom the figurative yellow card for unsportsmanlike conduct in accusing Boro falsely. Enjoy those sour grapes, Phantom -- the Hobbits will go far in this tourney.