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Old 08-17-2017, 02:24 PM   #109
ArcusCalion
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Thanks for looking them over!

RD-EX-24: it seemed discordant to me when I read it, as the blood on the gold is not mentioned previously. Maybe insert the line about the goldbeing drenched in blood into the killing of Mim? For example:

Quote:
§277 (§5) TT Thereat did {Úrin}[Húrin] smite him, saying: >RD-EX-11.5b QS77 'Then you shall enjoy your inhertiance no longer,{' said Húrin; '}for I am Húrin son of Galdor, returned out of Angband, and my son was Túrin Turambar, whom you have not forgotten; and he it was that slew Glaurung the Dragon, who wasted these halls where now you sit; and not unkown is it to me by whom the Dragon-helm of Dor-lómin was betrayed.'>
§278 (§6) <TT But Mîm dying said unto {Úrin}[Húrin]: ‘Now Elves and Men shall rue this deed, and because of the death of Mîm the dwarf shall death follow this gold so long as it remain on Earth, and a like fate shall every part and portion share with the whole.’ And {Úrin}[Húrin] shuddered, but his folk laughed.> TT<‘We came but to take what was not thine - now for thy evil words we will take what is thine as well, even thy life{.},'>RD-EX-11.51b<editorial bridge said Húrin. <TN {but} But the {king's} hall ran with {gore} [the blood of Mîm], and the gold that lay {before his throne} [there] {scattered and spurned by trampling feet} was drenched with blood.>
incidentally, the word "inheritance" and the word "unknown" in the first paragraph are two of the minor spelling mistakes I mentioned.

RD-EX-31: Ah I see, this makes sense.

RD-EX-39: Your suggestion is perfect.

RD-SL-19: Ah, ok I get it.

RD-EX-54: Gotcha. I missed the Belegost/Nogrod distinction, and you're right.

RD-EX-60: Your suggestion remains a sentence fragment, grammatically. The "when" begins a subsidiary clause, but then the "but" cuts off any primary clause from forming. Removing the "but" would not work tho, as it conveys an essential sense of contrast between the two phrases. Perhaps:

Quote:
RD-EX-60 Now {is} [when] the king was far in the woods with all his company, and the horns {grow} [grew] faint in the deep forest, {but Gwendelin}[Melian] {sits} sat in her bower {and} [but] foreboding {is} [was] in her heart and eyes.
RD-EX-67: that is how it is written in the book itself.

RD-EX-79: perfect!

As for the minor spelling mistakes, two I have already mentioned above, and the others are not numerous:

Quote:
RD-EX-42 <TN {None are that yet live,' quoth Ailios,' 'who have seen that most glorious thing, save only' Littleheart son of Bronweg, yet are many things told thereof.}[Many things were told of that most glorious thing.] Not only was it wrought with the greatest skill and subtlety in the world but it had a magic power, and there was, no throat so great or so slender whereon it sat not with grace and loveliness.
there is a superfluous comma after the was.

Quote:
§316 (§43a) TN Now the Dwarfroad to Nogrod and Belegost in the Blue Mountains passed through East Beleriand and the woods about the {River Gelion}[Duin Daer], where aforetime were the hunting grounds of {Damrod and Diriel}[Amrod], {sons}son of Fëanor. To the south of those lands between the {river Gelion}[Duin Daer] and the mountains lay the land of Ossiriand, watered by seven streams, {Gelion}[Duin Daer], Ascar, Thalos, Legolin, Brilthor, Duilwen, Adurant.
I do not know if this is simply a typo, but when listing the names of the rivers, there should be an "and" before Adurant. I cannot find the source of the passage in the TN, so I cannot tell if it was a "scano"

I am eager to put a lot of work into helping you with this Findegil! This has been a dream of mine since I first read the Book of Lost Tales in middle school. What section remains in need of editing work? or has everything been finalized, and new sections needed?
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