[Kuruharan]

By rounding a bend, cresting a rise, jumping a gorge, crossing a plain, fording a river, pausing for lunch, taking a nap, and spinning around three times the Gallowship came to of the great fortress of the Hornyburg. It was situated at the entrance of a gorge. One massive tower stood tall and strong on one side, and a great wall blocked the rest of the gorge. The gate was gained by means of a rising causeway. This proved to be a spot of bother because the cart they had "acquired" seemed to have a knack for finding every bump and crevice in the road and every jolt sent the Thighs flying out the back and rolling back down the ramp.

"$*#%!" shouted the Gateskeeper, falling into the uncouth language of Soreham, as the Thighs rolled down the hill for the fifteenth time. "This will take all day!"

"And probably most of the night," moaned Orogarn Two.

"We do have two dragons, or one dragon and one sort of dragon," muttered Vogonwë, "why don’t they do something to help us out?!"

This remark went completely unheeded by the great beasts in question. Grrruff was busy wafting her wings in Chrysophylax’s general direction and wondering if sometime next April would be good.

Chrysophylax, on the other hand, was thoroughly flustered. It had been a very long time and he was not sure what he was supposed to do. He decided to follow the worst of his options and stare off in the other direction with a goofy expression on his face. Grrruff inched a little closer and emit a hideous stench, which no dragon in his right mind could resist. Chrysophylax, in a spectacular fit of emotional constipation, made himself very busy staring at the ground. As a matter of fact, the ground was fascinating. There were two spiders down there expressing their deep and abiding love for each other. That made him feel even more uncomfortable (especially when he saw what happened to the male as soon as they were done). Left feeling a little woozy, Chrysophylax flopped down on the ground and tried to forget what he had just seen and all the other things that could possibly go wrong.

He sat there so long that he failed to notice when the Gallowship had reloaded the cart and started up the causeway.

It hardly mattered because ten minutes later there came a *THUMP* *BUMP* and both Thighs were down beside him again.

"$*#%!" shouted the Gateskeeper.

"That’s it!!!" shouted Orogarn Two. "Make the creatures carry them up!"

Grrruff flew down and picked up one of the Thighs, gently brushing Chrysophylax’s scaly side with one of her wings, and then flew up toward the gate. Chrysophylax just shuddered, trying to contain who knows what, had remained still.

Kuruharan ran up.

"What’s come over you, you horny old varmint?!!!!!" (The dwarf had no idea!) "I have some business to attend to inside Ham Steep!!" The dwarf kicked Chrysophylax in the side. "Now hurry up!!"

The kick steadied Chrysophylax somewhat. He picked up a Thigh and carried it up to the gate. Grrruff was waiting for him. Chrysophylax landed on the edge of the cliff, as far from Grrruff as possible. Grrruff inched nearer to him. Chrysophylax stared down the cliff and briefly wondered if it would hurt. The pause that ensued while the two of them waited for the rest of the Gallowship was anything but pregnant (or impregnating).

When the rest of the Gallowship reached the Gate, Merisuwyniel went forward and knocked on the door.

A little old man, mikestand in hand, stuck his head out.

"Go AWAY!!!" he screeched. "The line is full!"

"Are you sure?" asked Merisuwyniel, leaning forward.

Unfortunately, the little old man was too old to fall for that.

"What?!" he bawled. "Speak up!! I can’t hear you!! That’s the trouble with you young whipper-snappers these days!!! Always mumblin’ and mutterin’!!"

"Never mind," said Earnur. He strode forward and drew Griper. "Prepare to be diced and sliced!"

"Oh-no!" whimpered the blade.

Suddenly, the Gate flew open and it swarmed with a mass of Sorethighhim, all armed to the teeth with mikestands and fiddlesticks. Even the Gallowship might be daunted by the numbers now facing them. The Gallowship was about to give it a go anyway when Kuruharan stepped forward. He handed a card to the warden.

The warden gazed at it myopically for a moment.

"Oh!" he said. "Terribly sorry, sir. I didn’t see you." He waved his mikestand and a passage opened up in the ranks of the Sorethighhim. "Lord Dimli will be most pleased to see you!" He escorted Kuruharan through the ranks of the Sorethighhim, fawning over the dwarf pathetically. He was saying something about "putting in a good word with the boss."

As the Gallowship started to follow after the ranks closed and the Sorethighhim held their weapons at the ready. "That does not include you!" growled one of the guards.

The rest of the Gallowship, being now summarily abandoned to fend for themselves (and Chrysophylax feeling more flummoxed than ever without his master), Kuruharan went down into the fortress of Hornyburg and down toward the Glitzy Caverns of Ham Steep. As they went the warden told him how things were going down there.

"Lord Dimli has expanded the dance floors and the casinos. He has also added 200 rooms to the hotel. This has increased the profits of Ham Steep by 150%!" As they drew nearer the entrance to the Caverns, Kuruharan noticed that there was a large crowd outside the door. It was made of two distinctly different types of people. One group, the one that was heading into Ham Steep, was well dressed in the latest and trendiest of fashions (much of it conveniently provided by the clothing boutique that bore the name "Lord Dimli’s Haberdashery"). The line to enter the Caverns was blocked at the doors by burly, heavily-armed dwarves. The other group of people was coming out of a side entrance and their appearance was different in every way. Instead of being dressed in their best they were all wearing cheap barrels and many showed signs of having received a severe beating. This group was being shoved out of the Caverns by another group of armed dwarves, who seemed to be primarily concerned that the first group should not see the second.

Kuruharan was impressed. "I see that business has really picked up!" he said. "King Gain Lotso’moola was quite right when he said that there were big bucks to be made in exploiting the human’s addiction to fast living! This is going even better than he thought! There are a bunch of Elves from Topfloorien here! Apparently Lord Dimli has started importing some better brands of booze!"

"He has indeed," said the warden. They walked up to the bouncers at the door. "This is a special visitor for Lord Dimli," he announced. "He must be admitted at once!"

"Of course," said one of the dwarves. "This way please."

Kuruharan followed the bouncer into a lobby that was too posh for words. He could hear the sounds of raucous music coming from the dance halls, and even happier to his ears, the sound of fools being parted from their money in the casinos. He could barely suppress a giggle of delight.

Kuruharan followed the bouncer down an elegant staircase into the hotel area. Down a few more passages and they passed a sign that said "None but Dwarves Beyond this Point!" and thus entered the Executive Suites.

The bouncer led Kuruharan to one of the larger suites.

"Milord Dimli will be with you shortly," said the bouncer before he departed.

Kuruharan took a few minutes to explore the cavernous suite. He found it to be quite up to snuff.

After sitting down on a sofa that was ridiculously oversized for any dwarf, Kuruharan decided that it was high time to catch forty winks.

Seventy winks later, the door opened. Another dwarf, even more regally dressed than Kuruharan (if that were possible) entered. It was Lord Dimli, Director of the Glitzy Caverns Resort & Casino.

"Ahh, Milord Dimli," said Kuruharan, struggling to get up off the couch. "It is a *ooof* pleasure to see *hoik* you!" he stammered as he failed to rise and fell down among the cushions.

"Quite so," intoned Lord Dimli. "Come to pick up your share of the profits?" he inquired amiably.

"I thought (help me out here!) that I might," said Kuruharan, getting hopelessly tangled in one of the pillows. "How go *oy* things here?"

"Oh, well enough," sighed Lord Dimli. "Mogûl tried to run us out of here six months ago. Fortunately, he has no entertainment establishments that can compete with us and most of his troops come here on their leave. It nearly caused a mutiny in his own ranks. All that was required on our part was a few strong-armed tactics on a few of his business agents and some selective fire-bombings of certain choice properties and he backed down. It has been rather quiet of late."

"*AACCKKK*" croaked Kuruharan has he fell over the back of the sofa. "There, finally!" he sputtered. "Funny you should mention Mogûl, but there are some of his people standing outside the gates right now!" He told Lord Dimli all about the Quest of the Entish Bow.

"Don’t worry," said Lord Dimli. "By the time they get out of here none of them will have a dime to their names! And they certainly won’t have any pieces of a certain Ent that was Broken! Those will be much safer here with me!"

What do these two conniving swindlers have in store for our innocent and lovable heroes (well, maybe not so innocent)?! Will the Gallowship really leave Ham Steep without a dime to their names?! Will Kuruharan go weeping all the way to the bank?! What does Lord Dimli want to do with the Ent that was Broken?!!

Find out in our next exciting episode!!! Same bat time, same bat channel!!!

[ October 11, 2003: Message edited by: Kuruharan ]