Folwren -
Here is the revised post. The changes are the ones you suggested at the end.
Please let me know if there are any problems with this. I've sent you a pm about the eyes through the grate.
I won't post again for Azhar until I hear from you.
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Now Tevildo was a mighty cat--the mightiest of all--and possessed of an evil spirit,...and he was in Melko's constant following; and that cat had all cats subject to him, and he and his subjects were the chasers and getters of meat for Melko's table.
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