[Aiwendil]

BL-EX-06: I'll see if I can come up with anything more suitable here as well.

BL-EX-10: At least we agree that a regular line of eight syllables is something to strive for when we can. Let me take this line by line.

<GA But Felagund spoke ere he bade farewell:

This line is already long, so I think it would be better to use 'Finrod' than 'Felagund' and save a syllable. With that substitution, we then have a nine-syllable line that is regular except for an extra unaccented syllable in the third foot.

'{But this}This I {will }say to{ you, Celegorn}[Celegorm] the fell,

Although we have so far agreed on this line, it is not terribly good. The first foot is missing the initial weak stress (which is common and not problematic), but we sneak in two extra syllables in the final foot. Indeed, this line could as easily be parsed as having five feet.

It occurs to me that we could probably do better by making the first two lines:

But Finrod, ere he bade farewell,
{But this I say}spoke thus to Celegorm the fell:

And then begin the quote on the next line. This gives both lines the regular, eight syllable pattern: x/ x/ x/ x/ (where x is an unaccented and / an accented syllable).

by the sight{ that is} given me in this hour,

I agree that the unedited full line 'by the sight that is given me in this hour' is too long - not because it adds any extra feet but because it has an extra unstressed syllable in each of the first three feet: xx/ xx/ xx/ x/ (if you parse 'hour' as one syllable). Removing 'that is' makes the second foot too short while leaving the first and third too long: xx/ / xx/ x/. But as I consider this more, it strikes me that it parses more naturally as xx/ /x x/ x/. That is, that the second foot has been made a trochee instead of an iamb, a variation well within the idiom. So I think we should take your line here.

{that}by neither {thou}thine nor any power

This line is regular and unproblematic.

{son of Fëanor}shall thy kin {regain the Silmarils ever unto world's end.}their Jewels regain

Another good line (the first foot lacks a weak stress, but that is perfectly fine).

before the End; for all in vain

My earlier suggestion, without the 'for', left a third foot without a weak stress, which is not quite as acceptable as a first foot without a weak stress but still not terrible. Your suggestion is fine, though, and certainly improves the rhythm. But I think more natural might be:

before the End; yea, all in vain

you swore. And this that we now seek

Nice and regular.

shall come indeed ‘neath the triple peak,

I think this line is fine, even though it has an extra unstressed syllable in the third foot: x/ x/ xx/ x/.

but never to your hands shall it fall.

Here I strongly prefer not to add the 'it'; the line 'but never to your hands shall fall' is perfectly regular, with eight syllables.

Nay, your oath shall devour you all,

Even though this line has exactly eight syllables, it is far from regular: / x/ xx/ x/, if you pronounce 'devour' as two syllables. To my ear, 'devour' can pass as either two or three syllables, and my line, which omitted the 'you', was written with the three-syllable pronunciation in mind. But as I think about it, I suspect Tolkien would have parsed it with two syllables - in which case, your line is probably better.

the sons of Fëanor;{, and deliver} to other {keeping} care

This line, depending on how you say it, either sneaks an extra two syllables into the second foot, x/ x/xx x/ x/, or ends up with an extra foot, x/ x/ x/ x/ x/, neither of which is good. My proposal was:

Fëanor's sons, and {deliver} to other {keeping} care

This reverses the stresses of the first foot and puts an extra unstressed syllable in the third foot: /x x/ xx/ x/. I think on the whole I prefer this.

Lúthien’s{the} bride-price {of Lúthien}it will bear.'

I would naturally read this as /xx /x /x /, though I suppose one could more charitably parse it as /x x/ x/ x/. My line was 'Luthien's great bride-price bear', which is / x/ x/ x/. I think better than either of those choices would be:

shall Lúthien’s great{the} bride-price {of Lúthien}bear.'

Which is a regular eight syllable line.

So my proposal now is:

<GA But Finrod, ere he bade farewell,
{But this I say}spoke thus to Celegorm the fell:
'By the sight{ that is} given me in this hour,
{that}by neither {thou}thine nor any power
{son of Fëanor}shall thy kin {regain the Silmarils ever unto world's end.}their Jewels regain
before the End; yea, all in vain
you swore. And this that we now seek
shall come indeed ‘neath the triple peak,
but never to your hands shall fall.
Nay, your oath shall devour you all,
Fëanor's sons, and {deliver} to other {keeping} care
shall Lúthien’s great{the} bride-price {of Lúthien}bear.'>

That looks much improved to me.