[Feanor of the Peredhil]

Feanor of the Peredhil is not an act, exactly, but she is more of a well thought-out two-dimensional image of L*. I know that all you know about me is what Fea tells you, so I limit what Fea is *aware* of. Fea is very important to me, because we share great interests:

We both love Lord of the Rings. Fea and I both have great stores of pointless knowledge. Feanor and I are both writers. We are both confident in what we are saying. We are both artists, we both like kids, we both love animals, and are both excellent students.

On the other hand, I see Fea as a completely different person than L*.

Fea listens to classical music, and L* is a metal-head. Fea doesn't ever lose her temper, and L*'s is notorious. Fea can't be touched by stress, and L* is a full to bursting with it, as calm as she may seem to people who don't know her well. Fea has infinate patience, while L* just wants to be in the moment, enjoying life to its fullest (while still following rules she sets for herself.)

Feanor of the Peredhil is who I am when I am involved in art, be it music, reading, writing, or studio-style artwork. She is L*, but she is a more concise form of L*. When I am reading, lost in another world; when I am drawing, lost in my own creation; when I am listening to or playing music, caught up in the melody; that is when I am Feanor of the Peredhil. It is my extreme calm that nothing can break, Feanor is the serene part of me that shows when my imagination and creativity is flowing, which brings me to my other point:

We all have "masks" on The 'Downs, but we all have masks for everything else that we do as well. It is absolutely impossible to show people everything, so you must choose carefully what you want somebody to see. That's why first impressions are so nerve-wracking. You wouldn't walk up to the current leader of a small country and say "Yep, I voted for the other guy." You find things that you have in common, and you show the person THAT side of you. People have given me [many] nicknames, and I've come to see most of them as aspects of myself. I AM all of these people, all of the time, but they each show most clearly at certain times.

When I am with my friends, completely comfortable with who I am, and what I'm saying (meaning whatever comes to mind), I am L*. I'm not putting on a front, I am not showing them what they want to see, I'm showing them every bit of me that pops up, and because they are my friends, they do want to see L*.

You guys see me as Fea. You see the part of me that contains all of my arcane knowledge, and you see my carefully contemplated thoughts about stuff beyond every-day things.

My grandparents see L--- (a different L*). They see the student, the class president, the polite youngster. I don't show them the angsty, stressed out artist with a penchant for Ben and Jerry's and video games, because they don't want to see that, nor would they understand it if they did.

We show other people the parts of us that they will best understand and appreciate. I don't speak with my full vocabulary in school, because most of my peers would have no clue what I'm talking about. I don't talk about relationships with my father, or explosives with my mother. My brothers don't hear about girl issues, because they JUST WOULDN'T GET IT. My "mask" of Feanor of the Peredhil is the part of me that I think will be appreciated here at The Barrowdowns. I sincerely hope that made some amount of sense...

Feanor of the Peredhil (or am I?)