The Barrow-Downs Discussion Forum - View Single Post - * * Revised Fall of Gondolin pt.4 -- >end [the remaining sections] * *

Findegil · 08-19-2003, 05:51 AM

Okay, I agree that it should not make any suggestion that a Balrog was killed.

I will do some further work on this passage:
FG-B-02b Balrogs shoot arrows of fire.
... yet a worse matter was it that {a company} [some] of those demons climbed upon the coils of the ?{serpents}[machines]? of iron and thence loosed unceasingly from their bows and slings till a fire began to burn in the city to the back of the main army of the defenders.
I reestablished the plural here because if no Balrog is killed the plural can stand. But a company of Balrogs is not possible.

FG-B-03C Rog's men attack
... but the men of Rog leapt even upon the coils of the serpents and came at those Balrogs and smote them grievously, for all they had whips of flame and claws of steel, and were in stature very great. They battered them[ with thier clubs] into {nought} [retreat], or catching at their whips [and] wield[ing] these against them, that they tore {them} [their skin] even as they had aforetime torn the {Gnomes} [Noldor]; and [that ]the {number of} Balrogs {that prished}[were defeated] was a marvel
and dread to the hosts of Morgoth[.]{, for ere that day never had any of the Balrogs been slain by the hand of Elves or Men.}
Then Gothmog Lord of Balrogs gathers all his demons [and monsters] that were about the city and ordered them thus: a number made for the folk of the Hammer and gave before them, but the greater company rushing upon the flank contrived to get to their backs, higher upon the coils of the ?{drakes}[machines] and nearer to the gates, so that Rog might not win back save with great slaughter among his folk.
I deleted the last half-sentence, as it seems impossible to use it in this place without suggesting the death of at least one Balrog.

FG-B-04B Rog's slaughter
Fearful too they were for that slaughter Rog had done {amid} [agianst] the Balrogs, because of those demons they had great courage and confidence of heart. Now then the plan that they made was to hold what they had won, while those serpents of bronze and with
great feet for trampling climbed slowly over those ?[machines]? of iron, and reaching the walls there opened a breach wherethrough the Balrogs might {ride upon} [come with] the ?{dragons}[streams]? of flame …
Since "slaughter" can mean a bloody battle as well as the work of a butcher I tried to do a minimal change to the text by using the same word but changing the meaning. May be the "done" must also go:
FG-B-04C Rog's slaughter
Fearful too they were for that slaughter Rog had {done amid} [given agianst] the Balrogs, because of those demons they had great courage and confidence of heart. ...

(The issue of serpants - machines dargons - streams should be discussed in the Mechanical Monsters thread.)

Hope that helps a bit.
Respectfully
Findegil

[ August 19, 2003: Message edited by: Findegil ]

08-19-2003, 05:51 AM	#34
Findegil King's Writer Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 1,694	Okay, I agree that it should not make any suggestion that a Balrog was killed. I will do some further work on this passage: FG-B-02b Balrogs shoot arrows of fire. ... yet a worse matter was it that {a company} [some] of those demons climbed upon the coils of the ?{serpents}[machines]? of iron and thence loosed unceasingly from their bows and slings till a fire began to burn in the city to the back of the main army of the defenders. I reestablished the plural here because if no Balrog is killed the plural can stand. But a company of Balrogs is not possible. FG-B-03C Rog's men attack ... but the men of Rog leapt even upon the coils of the serpents and came at those Balrogs and smote them grievously, for all they had whips of flame and claws of steel, and were in stature very great. They battered them[ with thier clubs] into {nought} [retreat], or catching at their whips [and] wield[ing] these against them, that they tore {them} [their skin] even as they had aforetime torn the {Gnomes} [Noldor]; and [that ]the {number of} Balrogs {that prished}[were defeated] was a marvel and dread to the hosts of Morgoth[.]{, for ere that day never had any of the Balrogs been slain by the hand of Elves or Men.} Then Gothmog Lord of Balrogs gathers all his demons [and monsters] that were about the city and ordered them thus: a number made for the folk of the Hammer and gave before them, but the greater company rushing upon the flank contrived to get to their backs, higher upon the coils of the ?{drakes}[machines] and nearer to the gates, so that Rog might not win back save with great slaughter among his folk. I deleted the last half-sentence, as it seems impossible to use it in this place without suggesting the death of at least one Balrog. FG-B-04B Rog's slaughter Fearful too they were for that slaughter Rog had done {amid} [agianst] the Balrogs, because of those demons they had great courage and confidence of heart. Now then the plan that they made was to hold what they had won, while those serpents of bronze and with great feet for trampling climbed slowly over those ?[machines]? of iron, and reaching the walls there opened a breach wherethrough the Balrogs might {ride upon} [come with] the ?{dragons}[streams]? of flame … Since "slaughter" can mean a bloody battle as well as the work of a butcher I tried to do a minimal change to the text by using the same word but changing the meaning. May be the "done" must also go: FG-B-04C Rog's slaughter Fearful too they were for that slaughter Rog had {done amid} [given agianst] the Balrogs, because of those demons they had great courage and confidence of heart. ... (The issue of serpants - machines dargons - streams should be discussed in the Mechanical Monsters thread.) Hope that helps a bit. Respectfully Findegil [ August 19, 2003: Message edited by: Findegil ]