View Single Post
Old 10-31-2017, 07:07 PM   #42
ArcusCalion
Shade of Carn Dūm
 
ArcusCalion's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 401
ArcusCalion has just left Hobbiton.
BoT-04: you should take up "wrought" as well, as in your version the phrase has no verb. Otherwise agreed.

BoT-06c: I like this better, personally,

BoT-08.5: I am fine with omitting it, I just wanted to see the reasoning.

BoT-13b: Your version may actually be preferred, looking again. The version Fin made used bits from the next chapter, and seems choppy, so the simplicity of your version seems better to me.

BoT-15.1: Maybe just leaves instead of flowers?

Finally made it to page 2!
ArcusCalion is offline   Reply With Quote