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Old 06-22-2018, 02:58 PM   #2
Findegil
King's Writer
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
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Sorry for the long delay, but real life had some time consuming demands in the last few days.

First of all I have to say that this editing makes a very good read. I agree to most of the editing’s. But as always there are some exceptions, as before often additions:

GHA-SL-08.5: I think that after the end of the long insert of GHA-SL-08 the ‘These’ of the next sentence has lost its proper reference. The text as it stands is understandable, but it does not flow rightly while reading. I suggest to replace it with The Northman.

GHA-SL-11.2 & GHA-SL-11.4: We tell in this chapter (beside other things) the history of the war between the rebels of Umbar and Gondor that followed from the kin-strife. And in this there was in ‘interlude’ with Aldamir slain in battle with Harad and Umbar and Vinyarion gaining himself the name Hyarmendacil II, which I think we should add here:
Quote:
… Eldacar lived to his two hundred and thirty-fifth year, and was king for fifty-eight years, of which ten were spent in exile.>
GHA-SL-11.2<HoME 12: Heirs of Elendil{He}Aldamir was the second son and third child of {Eldakar}[Eldacar].{ His elder brother Ornendil was slain in the wars of the Kin-strife (1446). Aldamir}. In the year 1540 he fell in battle with the rebelling kings of Harad allied with the rebels of Umbar.> GHA-SL-11.4<HoME 12: Heirs of Elendil{He later (1551)}Vinyarion the son of Aldamir took the name {Hyarmendakil}[Hyarmendacil] II in the year 1551, after a great victory over Harad in vengeance for his father.>
GHA-SL-12<HoME 12: TY4 {A}At this time, a host of Periannath …
GHA-SL-13.2: We have a bit more about the raid of the Corsair in which Minardil was slain and I think we should add it (see below for the text).
Beside that I think we can be sure that ‘Minardil, son of Eldacar’ is a slip of the pen. It is nowhere said that Vinyarion (Hyarmendacil II) died childless, while such feature is in all other cases commented on even in the very short Appendix A. For reasons of safety I would simply make no statement here at all.

GHA-SL-16: As Northmen were the first to feel the impact of the plague, (the text says that the plague came out of the east). Which means that it had been first in Rhovanion. Therefore I think this passage must be placed a bit earlier. I know that you used it as a knid of introduction for the Wainraider subchapter, but that does not seem necessary to me, since we have introduce the Northmen already in this chapter and told news about them at some points. I would incorporate it here:
Quote:
The second and greatest evil came upon Gondor in the reign of Telemnar, the twenty-sixth king, whose father Minardil GHA-SL-13.2{, son of Eldacar, }was slain at Pelargir by the Corsairs of Umbar. (GHA-SL-13.4 {They were led by Angamaitë and Sangahyando, the great-grandsons of Castamir.}<HoME 12: Heirs of Elendil The rebels of Umbar had never ceased to make war on Gondor since the death of Kastamir, attacking its ships and raiding its coast at every opportunity. They had however become much mixed in blood through admission of Men of Harad, and only their chieftains, descendants of {Kastamir}[Castamir], were of Númenorean race. Learning through spies that Minardil was at Pelargir, suspecting no peril since the crushing of Harad and Umbar by his father, Angomaitë and {Sangahyanda}[Sangahyando], leaders of the Corsairs of Umbar, great-grandsons of {Kastamir}[Castamir], made a raid up Anduin, slew the king, ravaged Pelargir and the coasts, and escaped with great booty.>) GHA-SL-13.6<HoME 12: Heirs of Elendil Telemnar immediately began to fit out a fleet for the reduction of Umbar.
> Soon after a deadly plague came with dark winds out of the East. GHA-SL-16b<C&E The waning of the Northmen of Rhovanion began with the Great Plague, which appeared there in the winter of the year 1635 and soon spread to Gondor. In Gondor the mortality was great especially among those who dwelt in cities. It was greater in Rhovanion, for though its people lived mostly in the open and had no great cities, the Plague came with a cold winter when horses and men were driven into shelter and their low wooden houses and stables were thronged; moreover they were little skilled in the arts of healing and medicine, of which much was still known in Gondor, preserved from the wisdom of Númenor. When the Plague passed it is said that more than half of the foil of Rhovanion had perished, and of their horses also. They were slow to recover; but their weakness was not tested for a long time. No doubt the people further east had been equally afflicted, so that the enemies of Gondor came chiefly from the south or over sea.
>{The King}In Gondor King Telemnar and all his children died, …
GHA-SL-25: It is unfortunate, that we can within our rules not name Marh-…, since unnamed we tell nothing about him even so the known element of the name makes him a near kin of Marhwini father of Forthwini, so probably a grandson.

GHA-SL-29: Would this not be better placed between the victory of Calimethar and Marhwini and the new assault on Gondor in which Ondoher died? I know that you preferd to have this after the action, but the foretelling for the northern Kingdom is not prevented by your placement and in the new position another attack from the Wainraiders is anyhow expectable.
Quote:
…but for which the return of the King would have been in vain.

GHA-SL-29b<Appendix A {Calimehtar, son of Narmacil II, helped by a revolt in Rhovanion, avenged his father with a great victory over the Easterlings upon Dagorlad in 1899, and for a while the peril was averted.} It was in the reign of Araphant in the North and of Ondoher son of Calimehtar in the South that the two kingdoms again took counsel together after long silence and estrangement. For at last they perceived that some single power and will was directing the assault from many quarters upon the survivors of Númenor. It was at that time that Arvedui heir of Araphant wedded Fíriel daughter of Ondoher (1940). But neither kingdom was able to send help to the other; for Angmar renewed its attack upon Arthedain at the same time as the Wainriders reappeared in great force.>
In the meanwhile the Wainriders licked their wounds, …?
GHA-SL-30: This as well seems a bit out of place. Since it covers the historical background of the Dunlandings in looking back over a greater time frame, I don’t feel the need to place it chronologically absolutely correct. Therefore I would rather use it in combination with the ride of Eorl and the Eótheód coming to Rohan, since at that point the Dunlandings start to play a role in the narrative. Or to look at it in a broader sense: When Gondor gave a part of its territory to someone else it makes a lot of sense to look what sway they had over all the territory they claimed, instead of doing it here without any connection to the surrounding narratives. (Okay, I do not know with what you open the next chapter, but if it has a connection to this, I would have expected that you would use this at the opening of that chapter and not here.)

Respectfully
Findegil
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