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Old 05-25-2009, 04:46 AM   #2
Findegil
King's Writer
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 1,274
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U1: Why do you change the sence here? What about:
Quote:
Ye Valar veiled your vast domains
with moveless pinnacles, mountains pathless,
U3: Why is Erithámrod skipted?

Bauglir => Baugron where does that change come from?

U4: I don't think that the reference here ist to the Silmarili. Therefore I wouldn't change anythink here.

U5: Morgoth is ofcourse a fiend of Manwe, but why not the Valar in general?

U7: I would not skip the passage completle. It seems clear that the reference is to the phrophecy of the north. And treason was a doom proclaimed there in. I would skip after 'Fingolfin's son'

A1: Nice but I would put it before U7.

A2: I would hold the passages you did skip in which Húrin denies Morgoth and is then tried with gold. After 'the wrath of the Gods roused in anger.' I would put in A2 missing the first line, A3 and A4.

A5: I would again hold more of the original text and would mix it with your new verse.

Respectfully
Findegil
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