[Kuruharan]

The music box tune was well received by the audience. The audience, that is, of the two crickets in the rafters who chirped their approval. The rest of the room was dead silent.

Kuruharan just stood there rather awkwardly for a minute. Then he turned bright red. The king scratched, Grimy looked lustfully at Merisuwyniel, and the audience started a growl of displeasure.

Seeing that things were going a bit pear-shaped, Chrysophylax jumped on the stage to exert his recently acquired star power to quiet the crowd. Alas, the stage was of rather shoddy construction, and even at the best of times Chrysophylax might have been too much dragon for any stage to sustain the blow.

*CREEEEEEK-BOOOOOM!!!!*

"BOOOOOOOO!!!!!" howled the crowd.

Things were starting to look grim for the Gallowship when who should come galloping to the rescue but Falafel, with a kazoo. Falafel burst into the hall, saw the desperate situation that the Questers were in, and started playing on the kazoo a peppy little tune guaranteed to lift the spirits of even the ugliest crowd. It was from the ancient lore of Monteé Pi-thon. Being versed in this archaic lore Kuruharan, Chrysophylax, and Vogonwë started dancing a happy jig that went with the tune.

When they finally got their dance steps in sync (no easy task because Chrysophylax kept stepping on everyone’s toes) they all burst forth into song.

We’re Questers in an Entish Fable,
We dance where ere we’re able!
We do routines and chorus scenes,
And footwork impeccable!
And though we tend to destroy a lot,
We eat tons of bacon and Spam a lot!!!

As the happy tune continued, the three revelers then leapt from the ruins of the stage and started prancing about the hall, bonking the guards on their helmets in time to the music.

"Now’s our chance," hissed Earnur. With that he and the Gateskeeper ran forward to the Thighs. The Gateskeeper pulled out a pair of hack-saws from…somewhere. Each of them took one and they began to saw on the bolts holding down one of the Thighs for all they were worth, in time to the music, of course.

Merisuwyniel realized that the time of greatest danger had come. She had to do something to get the rest of the crowd going to the music. Just as she was about to jump forward to join in conking everyone in the vicinity on the noggin she was grabbed by Grimy.

"Beautiful lady," oozed Grimy, with somewhat less charm than a rabid snake, "now we are alone at last."

"Uuuk," groaned Merisuwyniel, shuddering violently. "You should really do something about that oozing! Here’s a tissue."

Grimy tossed the hanky aside and grabbed Merisuwyniel’s hand. Merisuwyniel tried to escape but only succeeded in dragging Grimy across the floor.

Hámanchese saw what was going on and bellowed the traditional mating cry of the Mike.

"SPAM!!!"

We’re Questers in an Entish Fable,
Someday we may be on cable.

"Oh darling, OUCH!!" he intoned as he was dragged into a table leg. "I observe that your companions are familiar with the great lore of Monteé Pi-thon. Allow me to sing you one of their most touching love songs."

"Let go of me you little fungus!!!" screamed Merisuwyniel, beginning a series of savage kicks in the general direction of the clingy Grimy.

"SPAM!!!" shouted some of the Sorethighhim.

"OW!" said Grimy. "We always *OOF* hurt the ones we *HOICK* love," he sighed philosophically under the rain of blows.

The massive thud of the first Thigh falling to the ground was missed in the general confusion.

"SPAM!!! SPAM!!!" cried the Sorethighhim.

We’ll burn down towns, and loot your grounds,
And treasures if ere were able!

...crooned Chrysophylax, Kuruharan, and Vogonwë still prancing about like there was no tomorrow (and tomorrow wasn’t looking good).

Having just survived being trampled by a dancing Chrysophylax, Grimy launched into his own song from his vast store of Monteé Pi-thon knowledge.

Sit on my face,
And tell me that you love me!

"AAAIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!" screeched Merisuwyniel.

"SPAM!!!!!" bawled the Sorethighhim.

*BOP* went Vogonwë right on the head of Théboleggen King.

*PLOP* went Théboleggen King to the floor.

"GASP!!!" went the crowd.

"SPAM!!" shouted Hámanchese.

"I love to hear you moralize Yee-OUCH…" faltered Grimy as Merisuwyniel’s kick found his shoulder as silence mercifully fell on the hall.

Everyone stared at Théboleggen King.

Earnur and the Gateskeeper stopped in mid-stroke and tried to look like they were not engaged in a bizarre act of grand larceny.

"Uhhhhh…" said Vogonwë. He looked desperately in Falafel’s direction.

Falafel understood and began the tune again. Vogonwë nervously sang,

We’re Questers in an Entish Fable,
The King is now under the table!!!

Nobody moved, except Théboleggen King, who started to shake slightly to the music.

Everyone stared in disbelief. Orogarn Two’s crystal started jumping about in a rather odd fashion. He ignored it for a minute.

Suddenly, wonder of wonders, Théboleggen King sprang to his feet and started dancing about like a deranged marionette and walloping Grimy on the head, in time to the music (naturally).

"Cured!!" cried the Gallowship, as they joined him in bashing Grimy about the head and shoulders. "He’s CURED!!!"

"SPAM!!!!!" cried the Sorethighhim in joy.

"Free!!!" shouted Merisuwyniel as Grimy flopped limply on the floor. "I’m Free!!!"

"Done!!" shouted Earnur and the Gateskeeper as the other Thigh crashed to the ground. They seized it and started dragging it out the door.

"What is it?!!" snapped Orogarn Two at his crystal. He pulled out his "Crystal Translation Manual" to try to figure out the problem.

"SPAM!!!" cried the Sorethighhim for no particular reason.

"Let’s see here…" Orogarn began, as the rest of the Gallowship started battering everyone in the hall into unconsciousness. "Hmm…a diseased cow is about to drop her cud in my hoop-skirt?" The crystal leapt about in a distraught fashion. "No…ummm…Earnur is about to be impregnated by a blue elephant?" The crystal just sprang about all the more. "Uhhh…Kuruharan’s been sucking horseshoes when he thought that nobody was looking?" The crystal about jumped off Orogarn Two’s neck. "Oh, here it is, roof is about to fall on head!" The crystal came as close as it could to screaming "YES!" even though it did not have a mouth.

"RUM…darnit…I mean, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!" he yelled.

"SPAM!!!!" howled the surviving crowd in alarm.

The Gallowship grabbed the other Thigh and dragged it outside.

The Goldlamé Hall fell with a sound that is becoming rather stock in this chronicler’s particular series of postings, so we will spare you in the interest of easing off on the repetitiveness.

[ September 23, 2003: Message edited by: Kuruharan ]