Thanks for bringing this to our attention, Goth-o.
The Downer wishes to reassure it's readers that these claims are as false as the stories in our Paper.
Hope that clears things up for you all.
Anyway...
Culture Section:
Films...
The Best film you can expect to see this week is defiantly 'A Genuine Fairy Story' from the Director of such classics as; 'The Yule Log', 'Shadow of the West', and the controversial 'Power to the People'. Here the infamous Lalwende and the rest of the crew are caught up in a whirlwind of adventure and discovery. Wild fantasy mixed with in-depth intellectual debate. A great film all round.
Plays:
The only play making a stir at the moment is Mithalwen's Flying Circus. It had been called inappropriate due to the fact that several members of the audience have mysteriously disappeared under mysterious circumstances that have caused mystery to surround the mysterious play.