[Hilde Bracegirdle]

Rauthain

The dawn that had at first arrived cool and misty, but now was beginning to show the promising signs of becoming a fine, clear day, did little to cheer Rauthain. And remembering his task and elf’s strange warning, he found once again he could not revel the in the cool stillness of the morning as did the birds of that place. Waking before first light, he had wrestled in the bleakness before daybreak with the overwhelming sense of futility that had haunted his thoughts. Knowing he would not accomplish anything by succumbing to the taunts of his imagination, yet unable to quiet the corrosive chatter of his mind, he arose to see if any others might be found awake. But fortunate his sleepless became, for at last in searching out conversation, he had found another as restless as himself laying the halls of healing. It was after checking once more on the sleeping Dúlrain, the southern woman still at his side that he came across one trying to get up from his cot. And helping him into a chair, the two sat together for some time wiling away the quiet hours of the morning.

In the course of their talk Rauthain found this newly made friend willing to spare his horse so that it may keep fit while he nursed his crushed limb, but providence granted not only this, he had also heard tell of another animal, its elfin rider fallen in battle the day before. Hoping to secure this horse also, now that the hour had grown later, it was on that errand Rauthain now went, so that Avanill and he might be prepared once the others declared themselves ready. Avanill wisely chose to stay with the other rangers saying that he dare not accompany Rauthain in his negotiations, lest his reputation jeopardize the delicate transaction, and though the old man would have liked to placed full trust in him, he was sure to carry Avanill’s bag with him as he left.

The warm sunlight had chased away the chill of the evening as the grizzled man walked with purpose through dew-laden grass. And with the brightening day the man’s spirits began to lift, though it rankled him to delay thus in Rivendell. They should have been off long ago. One could as easily draw out the details of their plans along the way as in the airy halls of Imladris. And Dúlrain could follow when he was sufficiently improved, surely he would understand their haste. But the ranger’s brow furrowed as he caught himself. Had he really changed so little over the years?

Putting the troubling thought aside to concentrate once again on obtaining the horse, the ranger quickly rounded the corner, and looking up from the rock-strewn path his step was arrested by a sudden pang, for there was Kaldir a stumbling block before him. Fully unprepared for this chance meeting, Rauthain was acutely aware that it might be his only opportunity to speak with Kaldir alone before they were bound together by their hunt, a prospect he did not relish, though he should be glad of Kaldir's skill on the journey. For Rauthain had not quite forgotten his treatment at the bounty hunter’s hands the last time he had brought up that volatile issue which had separated them. And as he sunned himself upon the rock, Kaldir’s aspect struck the ranger as but a little less welcoming than that of serpent. Expecting the worst, Rauthain approached. “Good morning,” the bounty hunter said indifferently, observing him with one pale eye.

“Yes, it is a good morning,” the ranger replied sullenly, looking about him as if he hadn’t noticed the fine weather. “A good day for riding, surely… or tracking… but truly not suited for idle waiting.” He grinned trying to make light of his anxious desire to be moving once again.

“Then you must practice patience,” Kaldir responded opening his other eye, and lowering his chin to look at him squarely. Rauthain could see that this eye wept, the muscle lightly twitching beneath it. Feeling a vague sense of responsibility for those deformities, his smile quickly faded.

“It never has been my strong point,” he remarked looking away from Kaldir to sit on a stone across from the bounty hunter. “But you have lately taught me not to offer excuses, nor ask pardon for my shortcomings; and I have learned also not to crave forgiveness from one as unyielding as yourself. Rest easy, I will not plague with you the matters of my conscience,” He replied, his bitterness spilling into his words.

“Are you my father, that you should feel the need to rebuke me for being forthright?” Kaldir said with sarcasm.

“No, no, Naldir was a far better man than I! And though this trait of yours wears hard on me, it has stood you in good stead, to be sure,” Rauthain conceded pushing a stray gray lock away from his broad face, and wishing intently for his pipe.

The bounty hunter closed his eyes again. “So you have met my father,” he mused.

“Yes, when I brought him the news of your death. In time we had a great deal in common, and soon grew to be friends.” Rauthain saw the muscles of Kaldir’s jaw ripple as the bounty hunter grit his teeth. “But then he was a forgiving man, even when I spoke of what lay at the foundation of my contrition, though he grieved sorely for you until his death, saying always, he was to blame.”

“We had not parted amicably. But do not fool yourself Rauthain, you have little in common with him.”

“You are right. No more than you perhaps, for Naldir was not so strong-willed that he would not allow himself regret trying to impose that will upon you.”

“I see that he spoke freely.”

“What else would two childless widowers do, other than lament their loss? For both you and my own son tasted death far too early.”

“I can think of many other more useful things to ponder,” Kaldir said sharply. “But what madness you speak, I was never dead, though I was taken from my kin!”

“No you are wrong, you have died. And it is fortunate that your father did not live to hear of the trade you now practice. For though he might understand how you have fallen into it, I think it would pain him to know you have persisted in it.”

“Many of my decisions have pained him.”

“But you do not need to cling to them.” Then remembering Dúlrain’s words that had stung him so sharply outside of Bree, they now seemed fitting. “You had made your choice to turn your back on him, never hoping in your own survival. And everyday since, you have made that choice. You chose death, rather than life. You chose to isolate yourself, when you could find healing and simple comfort in the small things of life. When you could chose some worthy woman like Miss Nightshade to be your companion, someone who could understand your hardship. Live with hope Kaldir, you have survived and through you Naldir. Take heart.”

“But we have not yet finished what we set out to do.” Kaldir said under his breath, looking more like the man Rauthain once knew, like the man Rauthain had once thought so highly of.