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Old 01-07-2011, 11:23 PM   #50
Ekimeniso
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Join Date: Jan 2011
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Ekimeniso has just left Hobbiton.
My first post, please be nice ;-)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aiwendil View Post
We must guard against the danger of redundancy when we combine material from QS and GA. A small example is found here. In QS, when Fingolfin makes his challenge, he sounds his "horn"; in GA, it is here called a "silver horn". A few sentences later, QS mentions "the shrill music of the silver horn of Fingolfin". So in each text, the detail that the horn is silver occurs only once; however, since we take the first part of the paragraph from GA and the second part from QS, the detail shows up twice in our version as it stands, which seems superfluous. So I would remove the word "silver" at one of the two instances:
Quote:
and sounding a challenge upon his {silver} horn he called Morgoth himself to come forth to combat
Wouldn't it be more sensible to remove the other instance of "silver":
Quote:
Originally Posted by QS
But he could not now deny the challenge before the face of his captains; for the rocks rang with the shrill music of the {silver} horn of Fingolfin and his voice came keen and clear down into the depths of Angband
First, so we can keep the later source more intact; second, because the scene describes how Morgoth and his host perceive Fingolfins challenge "from below": They hear the horn's "shrill music", they cannot see that it is "silver", while in the first occurrence of the horn, Fingolfin's perspective is described, where the visual part would be to the fore.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aiwendil View Post
RB-DF-04: It seems to me that adding "withstood him" from GA is disruptive to the prose, since it separates the "it" (in "gleam[u]ing[\u] beneath it like a star") from its antecedent. I don't think the addition is valuable enough to warrant that kind of disruption (clearly, he withstands Morgoth in QS already), so I would leave it out.
I agree with this, but find it sad that by completely following the QS here we also lose the imagery of
Quote:
Originally Posted by GA
he towered above the Elven-king like a storm above a lonely tree"
and the (maybe a bit obvious) information that Morgoth's shield is "black". How about this:
Quote:
Originally Posted by QS
And he issued forth clad in black armour; and he stood before the king like a tower, <GA like a storm above a lonely tree,> iron-crowned, and his vast <GA black> shield, sable unblazoned, cast a shadow over him like a storm cloud.
Also, is the information that
Quote:
Originally Posted by GA
the cries of Morgoth echoed in the north-lands
insignificant or redundant enough to leave it out? How does
Quote:
Originally Posted by QS
seven times Morgoth gave a cry of anguish that <QS echoed in the north-lands>, whereat the rocks shivered, and the hosts of Angband fell upon their faces in dismay.
sound? Not very good, eh?
Quote:
147: In taking this section from QS, we miss the statement in GA that there was lamentation in Gondolin when Thorondor brought news of Fingolfin's fall, because many of the people were of Fingolfin's house. However, I fear it would be bad prose to say have "There was lamentation in Gondolin when . . ." followed, just a few sentences later, by "There was lamentation in Hithlum when . . .". Perhaps, then, we could justify combining the sentences, with some slight editorial work:
Quote:
. . . There was lamentation in Hithlum when the fall of Fingolfin became known, and in Gondolin also <GA, for many of the people of the hidden city were Noldor of Fingolfin's house>; but Fingon took the kingship of the Noldor . . .
Stylistically, that's not very nice, as the information about the "lamentation in Gondolin" is clearly given at this point of the Grey Annals because "Thorondor brought the tidings", just as the information about the "lamentation in Hithlum" in QS serves as an introduction to Fingon being the new High-king.

If both statements should be combined, I would rather have

[QUOTE=GA]
There was lamentation in Gondolin when Thorondor brought the tidings, for many of the people of the hidden city were Noldor of Fingolfin's house; and <QS in Hithlum > also; but Fingon...

[QUOTE]
Of course, that's a quite ambiguous sentence. Maybe it would be best to keep the two statements separate and alter the second slightly after the description of Fingon's feelings in QS (is that allowed?):
Quote:
There was lamentation in Gondolin ... In Hithlum also, there was great sorrow
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