Thread: The New Shadow
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Old 07-24-2018, 03:14 PM   #3
ArcusCalion
Shade of Carn Dm
 
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NS-SL-02.5: Agreed.

As for the final paragraph, I agree that we should include it, but I would edit it differently:
Quote:
NS-SL-05 <End Comment of The New Shadow Here {, both in A and B, The New Shadow}the source we have ends, and it will never be known what Borlas found in his dark and silent house, nor what part Saelon was playing and what his intentions were.> NS-SL-06 <Letter 256 {I did begin a story placed about 100 years after the Downfall [of Mordor], but it}But we know that the tale proved both sinister and depressing. Since we are dealing with Men it is inevitable that we should be concerned with the most regrettable feature of their nature: their quick satiety with good. So that the people of Gondor in times of peace, justice and prosperity, would become discontented and restless – while the dynasts descended from Aragorn would become just kings and governors – like Denethor or worse. {I found that even}Even so early there was an outcrop of revolutionary plots, about a center of secret NS-SL-07 {Satanistic}[Melkorist] religion; while Gondorian boys were playing at being Orcs and going round doing damage. {I could have written a 'thriller'}We only know that the tale was about the plot and its discovery and overthrow.{ – but it would be just that. Not worth doing.}
I changed the transition into 06 a bit to sound more natural and to convey a transition between the two thoughts. 07 I think is necessary, because we cannot say the religion is Satanic if there is no Satan in Arda! We have used the term 'Melkorism' before in our drafts, so I think 'Melkorist' is a good replacement. I also changed the final transition into the last sentence, to remove the 'thriller' comment, which seemed far too meta for the writing.
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