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Well, I was going to read through all the new discussions before jumping in again, but I've changed my mind.
I think ArcusCalion's suggestions are almost all good; thanks for catching these things!
The only one I would look at again is VE-13.045, where I think the "any" sounds too legalistic and out of place. I actually do think the "they" is grammatically all right - "save they fled" meaning "unless they fled".
Is the version of this chapter in the private forum up to date? I have a file of notes on further changes and things I'd caught (from 2009!), which I don't think I ever posted for discussion, but I want to make sure they apply to the latest version of the text before I do so.
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