Audreidi, that was brilliant!
Switching to names of places:
The Lonely Pants or The Pants Mountain (Hmmm, that makes sense if you've read 'Durin's Pants;' you haven't? Well I simply must post it for your benefit; it's from the original thread and I don't remember who wrote it, but I love it.)
Without further ado and lengthy sentences, I give you...
Durin's Pants
The pants were young, their contents green,
no stain yet in the pants was seen,
no pants were laid on skin or bone,
when Durin woke and walked alone.
He ate the tasteless beasts and plants;
he tried on yet unsoiled pants;
he squatted down by Mirrormere,
and saw a growing stain appear,
as waste from inside him he passed,
it splashed down out from his @ss.
The pants were fair, their wearer tall,
in Elder Days before the fall
of mighty turds in (dududoz)*
and Calvin Klein, who now because
of reeking stench have passed away:
the pants were fair in Durin's day.
A king he was on dirty loo,
in halls which smelled of rancid poo,
with streaky brown and yellow floor,
and piles of pants around the doo.
The reek of crap and sh*t and dirt,
the nostrils of all the people hurt;
uncoverable by fine perfume,
it stank forever in that room.
There urine on the water plopped,
there bottoms bared as pants were dropped:
there forged were pants, and down flowed wee;
a raging torrent was set free.
There boxers, briefs, and underwear,
and pants were sewn with fabric fair,
piles of pants upon the floor,
this underwear was laid in store.
Unshrinking then were urine flows;
beneath the mountain odour rose:
the parpers parped the gases sang,
and all the toilet flushes rang.
The fabric's worn, the pants are old,
the toilet seat is ashen cold;
no fart is smelled no feeces fall;
the darkness dwells in Durin's hall;
the seat is down upon his loo,
in Moria, in Khazad-Poo.
But still the sunken pants appear,
in brown and windless Mirrormere.
There lie his pants in darkness deep,
till Durin wakes again from sleep.
*
You try finding a brand name of pants that rhymes with "because!" Some of the "-eds" should be accented; unfortunately my computer is incapable of this function.
