To the so-called Editor:
I must again vehemently protest your staff's annoying lack of mentioning me in your inane paper. It has been several issues now, and I have not been linked to iceberg lettuce sinking shrimp boats, cows that lack udder sense, or Scotland Yard's dandelion problems. How can I adequately complain about the infuriatingly nonsenical manner in which you portray yourself as a purported print purveyor, providing puerile press for the pathetic public, if I can't get worked up about anything? Your lack of providing me with a reason to attack you is preposterous! In fact, the provocative manner in which you are not attacking me is in itself a provocation. Stop it this instant!
Yours affectionately,
Morthoron
Dark Elf of Note
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And your little sister's immaculate virginity wings away on the bony shoulders of a young horse named George who stole surreptitiously into her geography revision.
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