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Old 03-13-2004, 12:05 AM   #143
Eidolon of a Took
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Join Date: Sep 2002
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“Wargs! Get that ZERLLLLL!”

Vogonwë’s head snapped up at this cry from one of the Orcs. No! Another poor, hapless Zerl was about to meet its death? It shouldn’t! It couldn’t! It wouldn’t! He got ready to loose an arrow at the vile creature who threw the Zerl to its imminent death.

“No, wait,” said Merisu, placing a well manicured but trembling hand on his arm. She looked stunned (and stunning, but that’s not the point) as she stared ahead at the Uruk on the Warg.

“Beloved! It is I! I have returned!” cried the suspiciously blonde Uruk with the strange, disproportionately aesthetic features.

It dawned on Vogonwë, then, in the sort of way a two-by-four dawns on you when it hits you between the eyes. He knew not how, why, where, who, what or when, but that voice and that nauseatingly dramatic flare belonged to none other than Gravlox Uruk….

…Which could be quite awkward. He watched his former murder victim approaching, leaping from his Warg and running, which didn’t seem altogether sensible considering how much faster his Warg could run. Vogonwë started to formulate greetings in his mind, forgetting that perhaps the more appropriate action to take would have been to loose some Workmudian Well-Aimed Arrows into the weird looking… things… with legal pads that were chasing Gravlox down.

”Hi!” No, something more serious. ”Greetings, old friend!” Naaah. No use in playing stupid. ”Gravlox! What a surprise!” No, too inane. ”Hello… wow, you’re looking good!” No, too fruity. ”I’m sorry, really. Really, really, really, sorry. Very, truly, sorry.” Yeah, that sounded good.

Unfortunately, while he was planning his greeting, the… things… stopped Gravlox in his tracks and the band of Orcs piled on top of him, dragging him away while Vogonwë, Merisu and the others watched stupidly, some drooling vegetable-like on their shoes.

Then Vogonwë snapped out of his stupor, remembering that the Zerl was still in danger. They might let their long lost back-from-the-dead friend be dragged away, but by Emu, he wasn’t going to stand by and let a Zerl suffer! He hopped astride Tweedledum and cried, “Don’t worry! Mommy’s coming!”

He dug his heels into the horse, one, two, three times, and then it finally took off at something akin to a gallop. He rode down the renegade Wargs, singing out spells as he loosed arrow after arrow into the mangy beasts. They fell like fleas from a dog onto the ground, as did a few stray Orcs who were hanging around stupidly, no match for Vogonwë’s store of debilitating rhymes. In a moment Vogonwë did a double triple somersault off of Tweedledum and trotted up to the frightened little white animal.

“Hey—what in green garters is this?” he exclaimed when he picked up a small rabbit. “A bunny?” He stared. “Zerl” didn’t even rhyme with “bunny”. He turned the rabbit around in his hands and noticed that it was wearing a collar with the name “Harvey” written on it in calligraphy. He turned and walked back to Tweedledum, who was nibbling on grass next to the body of a dead Orc. “Well, Harvey, I guess you can ride with me, anyway. Gravlox might want you back.” He pet the rabbit on top of the head. “Yessss,” he nodded, an idea coming into his head. “Yes, precious. You and I are going to stay together for a little while. Don’t worry, Vogie’s going to take good care of you. You like Vogie, right? You wouldn’t want anything to happen to Vogie, would you? Nooooooo.”

He hopped onto Tweedledum and rode back through the carnage, gathering up his arrows. When he got back to the Duhship he held out the rabbit to Pimpi. “Look what I’ve got!”

“Oh! Shall we put it in a stew?”

“No!” he cried, hugging the nervous little creature to his chest. “This is Harvey, and if that Uruk was really Gravlox I suppose this is Gravlox’s special diversionary Warg-O-Rabbit. We’re going to take very good care of him and Gravlox will be ever so grateful to us.”

On cue, Merisu snapped out of her stupor and began to cry, weep, and mumble sweet poetic words of yearning in the general direction Gravlox had been dragged.

Earnur held up a hand. “Wait... does this mean we’re going to have to rescue someone again?”
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