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Old 11-18-2007, 05:11 PM   #9
emrys
Pile O'Bones
 
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emrys has just left Hobbiton.
here my next comment:

Quote:
Your version:

§268 RD-SL-01 <Conclusion of the second draft Manuscript WH; Note 54 But some misliked this and would not serve under {Avranc}[Daruin] and made ready to depart, <WH Note 54 Isolated page end and others there were who {despair}despaired now of defending Brethil from the growing strength of Morgothand {wish}wished to fly south> and they joined Húrin.>
here I would have taken just the first part with the intentions of using the second later...

Quote:
My version:

But some misliked this and would not serve under Daruin and made ready to depart, and they joined Húrin.
Quote:
Your version:

§269 (§1d) RD-EX-02.7<WH, Note 54, Text 2 But now Húrin {seems}seemed to pick up strength and youth - vengeance {seems}seemed to have heartened him, and he {[ ] and walks}walked now strongly. They {pass}passed into the woods <RD-EX-03 editorial addition to make a the term wood-men understandable south of Taeglin> and {gather}gathered the last fugitives of the wood-men (the kin of the folk of Brethil).>
I know the sentence is not originally refering to the woodmen but I think it could be used here to make te text more fluent...

Quote:
My version:

But now Húrin seemed to pick up strength and youth - vengeance seemed to have heartened him, and he and walked now strongly. Thus passing into the woods south of Taeglin, he gathered the last fugitives of the Woodmen; a kin of the folk of Brethil who, having no homes or lands of their own, despaired now of defending themselves from the growing strength of Morgoth and wished to flee further south.
I'll wait for your opinions

-Emrys-
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