The March of the Naugrim of Ered Luin (In D minor...well...actually it's in C, but D minor is a more melancholy note and more appropriate for the basso and baritone voices of the Dwarves; unfortunately, marches of this sort require the diatonic scale and a major chord for the horns and such...)
Narrator: Ahem...
(Oh yes, sorry...without further ado, The March of the Naugrim of Ered Luin, which I patterned off the works of John Phillip Sousa, who is American, I know, but who derived much of his material from English influences....)
Narrator: GET ON WITH IT!
(Yes, certainly...bugger)
BUM-BUM-BUM, BA-BA-BA-BUM-BUM-BUM, BUM-BUM-BUM, BA-BA-BA-BUM-BUM-BUM...
We are the dwarves -- of Thorin's band
Our greedy thoughts now often linger
On the gleam of our gold -- in a far-away land
That slipped right through our stubby fingers
But it weren't our fault -- no, not the least
With Smaug in our vaults -- such a fiery beast
We swallowed our pride and started to run
As he burnt all our kin to kingdom come (repeated by Balin the dwarf in baritone: burnt all our kin to kingdom come)
BUM-BUM-BUM, BA-BA-BA-BUM-BUM-BUM, BUM-BUM-BUM, BA-BA-BA-BUM-BUM-BUM
We are the dwarves -- off to Erebor
We are fierce and full of chutzpah
We are the dwarves -- we're three times four (Dumplin: plus me!)
And our names come from the Völuspá
We shall not cease --nor raise a flagon
'Till we’re either deceased -- or kill the dragon
Then count up the swag when the job is done
And get so sloshed that our beards go numb (repeated by Bombur the dwarf in basso: get so sloshed that our beards go numb)
BUM-BUM-BUM, BA-BA-BA-BUM-BUM-BUM, BUM-BUM-BUM, BA-BA-BA-BUM-BUM-BUM
We are the dwarves -- all revenge and desire
We may be short but we're not lagging
We are the dwarves -- and we're in the Shire
To find a burglar the name of Baggins
And by Gandalf's request -- we'll take him for hire
To join in our quest -- If the blighter desires
He’ll get his share when the deed is done
Under contract for a percentage sum (repeated by Dumplin the dwarf in falsetto: dear little Bilbo with the nice tight bum)
*Brief pause to regroup*
BUM-BUM-BUM, BA-BA-BA-BUM-BUM-BUM...
Under contract for a percentage sum...
BUM-BUM-BUM, BA-BA-BA-BUM-BUM-BUM...
Under contract for a percentage s-u-u-u-u-u-m-m-m-m!
Narrator: Very nicely done!
(You don't think the mention of the Völuspá -- an Icelandic Poetic Edda composed by Snorri Sturluson, circa 1220 A.D. -- is too esoteric a reference for our viewing audience?)
Narrator: Not at all; in fact, I'm sure no one is even paying attention to the lyrics. It's the flashy special effects and the buckets of blood and gore they'll be looking for.
(Oh...alright then)
__________________
And your little sister's immaculate virginity wings away on the bony shoulders of a young horse named George who stole surreptitiously into her geography revision.
Last edited by Morthoron; 05-20-2008 at 08:10 PM.
|