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Old 07-01-2018, 11:32 PM   #3
ArcusCalion
Shade of Carn Dm
 
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This is a much better structure, thank you Fin, but I have some slight changes to make in the middle for a smoother narrative flow. Keeping the beginning the same as yours, I would change the middle thus:
Quote:
GS-SL-01b <ORP Now the Shadow grew ever greater, .... And returning to Elrond he said:
‘True, alas, is our guess. This ..... if they live still on earth.’
And Elrond answered: ‘In the hour .... Sauron should return.’
‘Yet the One was lost,' said ... and tarry not too long.’
Then the White Council was summoned; .... them to wait yet and to watch.
‘For I believe not,’ said he, ... and the deeps are removed.’
Therefore naught was done ..... and he said to Mithrandir:
‘Nonetheless I forebode that the One ...... that my eyes cannot see.’
‘Many are the strange chances .... weak when the Wise falter.’>
GS-SL-04.5 <CGS
{The}When the Council met in Rivendell, {and} Gandalf had sat apart, silent, but smoking prodigiously (a thing he had never done before on such an occasion), while Saruman spoke against him {, and urged that contrary to Gandalf's advice Dol Guldur should not yet be molested}. Both the silence and the smoke .... while others are in earnest speech.’
But Gandalf laughed, and replied: .......
And the rest proceeds the same. I found the insertion of the CGS narrative into the middle of the council speeches to be somewhat awkward, and I think this solves that problem. I removed the bit of the sentence to avoid redundancy. What do you think?
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