[Birdland]

After mucking about in a benighted manner for a little while, he [Vogonwë] gave up and sat down to compose that poem I was talking about earlier, while shadows fell and unseen eyes (but not unseeing, obviously) watched him. But that's another story.

"...beautician...mortician...perdition...oh drat! It just won't scan! And it does seem to be getting a bit dusky - and cold - perhaps I should be heading back. My little Pimpikins having had ample time to make over an entire flock of Nazgrrls by now. But which way is back?"

"Meeeep?"

"What was that? Who calls?"

"Prrrrt?" (A flash of fluffy white skips through the gloom)

"Show yourselves, or I shall throw...why...it can't be...Precious? My Precious! But Mummsy and Daddy said that you ran away to the Happy Haven Farms, oh, so long ago. C'm here, Precious. Ahhhh, c'mon, lil fellow, that's it...my precious..."

And it was at that moment that the trap door opened.

*******************

The hole between the roots dipped suddenly down, so suddenly that Merisuwyniel had not a moment to think about stopping herself before she found herself falling down what seemed to be a very deep well.

Either the well was very deep, or she fell very slowly, for she had plenty of time as she went down to look about her, and to wonder what was going to happen next.

(Note - the following two paragraphs based - loosely and badly - on the first chapter of the Lewis Carroll Classic Alice in Wonderland, serve only to indicate that Merisuwyniel's fall is EXTEMELY LONG! Therefore, skipping these paragraphs will in no way prevent you from understanding the plot of this tale - such as it is.)

"Well!" thought Merisuwyniel to herself "After such a fall as this, I shall think nothing of throwing myself down from the battlements upon the heads of twenty-three orcs! How brave they'll all think me at home!"

Down, down, down. Would the fall never come to an end? "I wonder how many miles I've fallen by this time?" she said aloud. "I must be getting somewhere near Bottom-earth. Let me see: that would be four thousand miles down, I think-" (for, you see, Merisuwyniel had learnt several things of this sort in her lessons, and though this was not a very good opportunity for showing off her knowledge, as there was no one to listen to her, still it was good practice to say it over) "-- yes that's about the right distance -- but then I wonder what Latitude or Longitude I've got to?" (Merisuwyniel knew perfectly well that that Latitude, or Longitude either, would be of no help to her at all in her present situation, but she thought they were nice grand words to say.)

Down, down, down. There was nothing else to do, so Merisuwyniel soon began talking again. "Pimpi will miss me very much to-night, I should think! I do hope they'll remember her half-gallon of milk at tea-time. Oh, Pimpi, I wish you were down here with me!
I don't believe I will find any orcs, but it is possible that there may be dorks. Hmmm, I wonder; do dorks eat orcs? I wonder?" And here Merisuwyniel began to get rather sleepy, and went on saying to herself, in a dreamy son of way, "Do dorks eat orcs? Do dorks eat orcs?" and sometimes "Do orcs eat dorks?" for, you see, as she couldn't answer either question, it didn't much matter which way she put it. She felt that she was dozing off, and had just begun to dream that she was walking hand in hand with Pimpi, and was saying to her, very earnestly, "Now, Pimp, tell me the truth: did you ever eat a dork?" when suddenly, thump! thump! down she came upon a heap of sticks and dry leaves, and the fall was over.

Note - OK, you can start reading again. It starts to get exciting, now!

Merisuwyniel slowly picked herself up from the pile of leaves and rubbish, brushed off her skirt and fixed a stray hairpin before whisking a bow from her quiver and fitting to the taunt string of the Entish Bow. For at the end of a tunnel, a reddish glow filled the air, and a chorus of high, clear voices was chanting softly, Boink!...Boink!...Boink!