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Old 08-28-2006, 06:29 PM   #1056
littlemanpoet
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Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: The Edge of Faerie
Posts: 7,066
littlemanpoet is battling Black Riders on Weathertop.littlemanpoet is battling Black Riders on Weathertop.
Formy: Hmmmm...... Hmmmmm.......!

That was deftly handled post. Yet somehow it sits not entirely right with me. I'm not sure why, yet, and may not become sure.

I like that Elessar shows concern for Mellondu himself, and that the Elves are surprised by this.

One remonstration I might make is that Elessar has no words for Mellondu's father. That simply should not be.

Maybe Elessar leaves his throne too soon.... ? ......

I think a part of my illness at ease is related to diction. I'm not saying "this is what you should do instead", but rather "....what I would have done in your place":

Instead of
Quote:
"There is no friendship any more,"
I would write
Quote:
"There is friendship no longer,"
I think Arwen's first words are a bit abrupt, actually. Besides, she would know through her osanwe whether he can or cannot see such a thing. Perhaps I remonstrate with this because you are having Tolkien's characters concern themselves with perspective rather than truth. Though related, perspective is a modern thing, and Arwen, it seems to me, would have spoken about what really was in place of how Mellondu saw it. Which begs the question, what really WAS?

I also don't think Elessar would have confessed not knowing the event initimately enough to render judgement. He and Arwen in fact seem to know enough of how Amroth is inside Mellondu to be able to attempt to persuade him of a better way to deal with it. That would suggest that they also know enough to render some manner of judgement, not for juridical purposes maybe, but to name a thing for what it is.

I also don't think that Elessar would give up and call the thing finished, but leave him with a final bit of wisdom that Mellondu can't get out of his head. Which you do with the interesting comment regarding Manwe and Morgoth.

Please do understand that I think you have made a very, very good effort at a very difficult post to write at a top notch level; I hope I'm helping you get it there.
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