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Let's just send telephones to Mordor.
They are possibly the most evil creations around... Alexander Grahm Bell, shame to you.
Example 1: The dreaded after-date paranoia. Will he call? Do I want him to call? No. Will I be offended when he doesn't? Yes. What's wrong with me? Why isn't he calling. Oh my God, the phone just rang... I don't want to talk to him! It's not for me? What do you mean it's not for me. He's supposed to call.
Example 2: The dreaded business call. How do I address my future employer? She wrote "Michelle" on the paper by her number, but she's quite a lot older than me. Should I call her Missus? Professor? Is it unprofessional to call her by name? This is her home number... will I be interrupting her? What time is most appropriate for a business call?
Example 3: No news is good news. They said they'd call when they had news... but do I want to hear it? Is it better to get bad news in person? Should I just go over there? Or wait by the phone...
Example 4: Is it even for me? No, of course not. Wait, it is? Do I actually feel like talking? What if there's awkward silence... should I just fill it? God I hate talking on the phone. Is it rude to have a three minute conversation? I'd rather just talk in person.
Example 5: It's my parents, and they want to know about university. Should I tell them about that crazy party my floor had? It's not like there was booze there at all... how much is too much information? Should I lie and say that all I do on campus is homework? What about that really cute guy in my Psych class who I simply *must* get to know. Are they more curious about my work, or my life here? What am I supposed to tell them. Oh hi, Mom. What's up?
Example 6: The unidentified caller. Hi, it's me. Ooooookay. Do you know what time we're going to Mac's? Do I know who you are? Did so-and-so say anything about me? No clue... I recognize her voice, but who is this? She recognizes my voice... I feel like a jerk for not recognizing hers.
And last but not least, Example 7: It's not for you any how. Hi. *faints over the identity of guy on phone* Hey, how'd you get my extension; playing it cool. Actually, I'm calling for your room mate/brother/cousin/friend/fill in the blank.
Phones... are simply put on this Earth to make you question everything. Do you want to answer? What if it's somebody who you'd prefer got the message "She's not here right now". Or how do you conduct a formal business meeting over a phoneline?
Things should be done in person, or in writing. It's just entirely too nerve-wracking to use one of those horrible ringing, caller ID-ing, message taking works of Morgoth. I hope LMP's Mordor-escapees have to make a nerve-wracking phone call at least one. Come to think of it... perhaps Canonicitiwen (name subject to change) will have to...
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