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alatar · 11-13-2005, 11:40 PM

Been putting this one off for a while; been busy, been distracted, but anyway...here goes. And I'm hoping that this ties into the thread somehow.

My father, as stated earlier in this thread, lost his fight with cancer this summer. He remained at home to the end, and so I was able to be with him some of those last months and days. His body got progressively worse, but his mind stayed as sharp as ever. He realized that the tube that was feeding him was only feeding the cancer, and it gave him no comfort, and so one day he made a similar decision to that of King Elessar - to let go instead of trying to hold on to each drop of life.

That was a hard day, as I knew that at that point the clock was ticking, and it was only a matter of time - sometimes knowing biology isn't that fun. I think that he was concerned that if he didn't make that choice while he was still cognizant that he might get so debilitated that he would not be able to make his wishes known. Can you imagine that? It's like pulling the trigger on a gun where the bullet doesn't hit you until a week later. Also running through his head, besides being tired of his life, was that he was a burden to the family - more and more each day - and I think that he wanted to end that too.

Surely I wanted him to stay as long as he could, but also I respected his decision to leave. We never had one of those 'good bye' scenes like you see in movies, but we each knew what was happening. Maybe like Arwen, up to then I was like, "yes, it's terminal, but this is my father, whose family is long-lived, and we have many days/months/years ahead of us." It's like I knew, but was disconnected from the truth. He was dying, and soon would be dead. Gone. No more a voice on the phone or even a man lying in bed.

Reality showed up.

He let go, and less than a week later was gone. Like Aragorn, he made sure that his kingdom was in order before going. Unlike Aragorn, my father was leaving pain for either somewhere better or at least somewhere were pain did not exist.

I miss him now and then, but what makes me sad is knowing how much my children miss their 'pap.'

Sorry, but just had to go there as I can't help but sometimes relating this to Aragorn's decision.

11-13-2005, 11:40 PM	#30
alatar Doubting Dwimmerlaik Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Heaven's basement Posts: 2,499	Been putting this one off for a while; been busy, been distracted, but anyway...here goes. And I'm hoping that this ties into the thread somehow. My father, as stated earlier in this thread, lost his fight with cancer this summer. He remained at home to the end, and so I was able to be with him some of those last months and days. His body got progressively worse, but his mind stayed as sharp as ever. He realized that the tube that was feeding him was only feeding the cancer, and it gave him no comfort, and so one day he made a similar decision to that of King Elessar - to let go instead of trying to hold on to each drop of life. That was a hard day, as I knew that at that point the clock was ticking, and it was only a matter of time - sometimes knowing biology isn't that fun. I think that he was concerned that if he didn't make that choice while he was still cognizant that he might get so debilitated that he would not be able to make his wishes known. Can you imagine that? It's like pulling the trigger on a gun where the bullet doesn't hit you until a week later. Also running through his head, besides being tired of his life, was that he was a burden to the family - more and more each day - and I think that he wanted to end that too. Surely I wanted him to stay as long as he could, but also I respected his decision to leave. We never had one of those 'good bye' scenes like you see in movies, but we each knew what was happening. Maybe like Arwen, up to then I was like, "yes, it's terminal, but this is my father, whose family is long-lived, and we have many days/months/years ahead of us." It's like I knew, but was disconnected from the truth. He was dying, and soon would be dead. Gone. No more a voice on the phone or even a man lying in bed. Reality showed up. He let go, and less than a week later was gone. Like Aragorn, he made sure that his kingdom was in order before going. Unlike Aragorn, my father was leaving pain for either somewhere better or at least somewhere were pain did not exist. I miss him now and then, but what makes me sad is knowing how much my children miss their 'pap.' Sorry, but just had to go there as I can't help but sometimes relating this to Aragorn's decision. __________________ There is naught that you can do, other than to resist, with hope or without it.