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Old 03-16-2004, 11:24 PM   #5
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Notes and Comments

I just wanted to post some comments and observations regarding Antoine's draft text:

1. I don't think that we should use right not the change of Orodreth to Arothir until we have discussed the issue further.

2. In FG-E-03, you have HoME 13 referring to the Peoples of Middle-earth. It should be HoMe 12.

3. Elfinesse should be Elvenesse as per change FG-04.

4. We should update the names of Damrod and Díriel too.

5. I think that this draft has a problem with the Gil-Galad situation. We have earlier that Gil-Galad is the King of the Ñoldor in Sirion's Mouth and that Eärendil is the lord of the folk of Sirion. Hmmmm. I can live with that because in the map of Beleriand in HoME 11, we can see that the place where Eärendil dwelt and Sirion's mouth are not exactly the same. (Eärendil's place is a little to the west of the Mouth of Sirion). My problem is that when the Fëanorians attack the settlement of Eärendil, we don't hear nothing from Gil-Galad. I would propose this emendation:
<QSThough some of their folk stood aside, and some few rebelled and were slain upon the other part aiding Elwing against their own lords (for such was the sorrow and confusion of the hearts of {Elfinesse}[Elvenesse] in those days), yet {Maidros}[Maedhros] and Maglor won the day. Alone they now remained of the sons of Fëanor, for in that battle Damrod and Díriel were slain[.]{; but the folk of Sirion perished or fled away, or departed of need to join the people of Maidros,} <QS77 Too late the ships of Círdan and Gil-galad the High King came hasting to the aid of the Elves of Sirion; and Elwing was gone, and her sons. Then such few of that people as did not perish in the assault joined themselves to Gil-galad, and went with him to Balar; and they told that Elros and Elrond were taken captive{,}>[.] Maedhros now claimed{who claimed now} the lordship of all the Elves of the {Outer} [Hither] Lands {A}[a]nd yet {Maidros}[he] gained not the Silmaril, for Elwing seeing that all was lost and her child[ren] Elrond and Elros were taken captive, eluded the host of {Maidros} [Maedhros], and with the {Nauglafring} [Nauglamír] upon her breast she cast herself into the sea, and perished as folk thought.>
Perhaps someone else can do it better.

6. There are several instances when the word Gods can be changed to Valar.

7. In the parragraph
And that was the voice of Eönwë herald of Manwë of Manwë
there is a repetition of the phrase of Manwë.

8. There is a part where Finwë's name is missing the dieresis in the e.

9. In this parragraph:
<QSYet it is said that Morgoth looked not for the assault that came upon him from the West. So great was his pride become that he deemed that none would ever again come up with open war against him. Moreover he thought that he had for ever estranged the {Gnomes}[Noldor] from the {Gods}[Valar] and from their kin; and that content in their blissful Realm the Valar would heed no more his kingdom in the world without. For to him that is pitiless the deeds of pity are ever strange and beyond reckoning.>
I would change Gnomes to Noldor as does CT does in the Published Silmarillion, rather than Elves as proposed in the draft. The estrangement was between the Ñoldor and the Valar not all of the Elves of Beleriand.

10. In the parragraph:
<QS Of the march of the host of {Fionwë}[Eönwë] to the North little is said in any tale; for in his armies went none of those Elves who had dwelt and suffered in the Hither Lands, and who made the histories of those days that still are known; and tidings of these things they learned long afterward from their kinsfolk, the Light-elves {of}[in] Valinor. But at the last {Fionwë}[Eönwë] came up out of the West, and the challenge of his trumpets filled the sky; and he summoned unto him all Elves and Men from Hithlum unto the East; and Beleriand was ablaze with the glory of his arms, for the {sons}[host] of the {Gods}[Valar] were {young and fair and terrible}[arrayed in the forms of Valinor], and the mountains rang beneath their feet.
I would replace Gods with Valar in this parragraph.

11. In the parragraph:
<QS But {Fionwë}[Eönwë] marched through the western lands summoning the remnant of the Noldor, and the Dark-elves that had not yet looked on Valinor, to join with the thralls released and to depart from Middle-earth. But {Maidros}[Maedhros and Maglor] would not harken, and {he}[they] prepared, though now with weariness and loathing, to attempt in despair the fulfilment of {his}[their] oath. For {Maidros}[Maedhros] would have given battle for the Silmarils, were they withheld, even against the victorious host of Valinor and the might and splendour of the {sons of the Gods}[West]: even though he stood alone in all the world. And he sent a message unto {Fionwë}[Eönwë], bidding him yield up now those jewels which of old Fëanor made and Morgoth stole from him.
I would replace sons of the Gods with West, instead of Maiar.

12. In the parragraph:
<QSAnd it is told of Maglor that he could not endure the pain with which the Silmaril tormented him; and he cast it at last into the sea, and thereafter he wandered ever upon the shores singing in pain and regret beside the waves. For Maglor was the mightiest of the singers of old save Daeron, but he came never back among the people of the Elves. And thus it came to pass that the Silmarils found their long homes: one in the airs of heaven, and one in the fires of the heart of the world, and one in the deep waters. >
We have of course to make the clarification that it was Daeron who was the mightiest of the singers of old.

13. In the parragraph:
<QSThis was the doom of the {Gods}[Valar], when {Fionwë}[Eönwë] and {the sons of the Valar} [his host] returned to Valmar and told of all the things that had been done. Thereafter the Hither Lands of Middle-earth should be for Mankind, the younger children of the world; but to the Elves, the Firstborn, alone should the gateways of the West stand ever open. And if the Elves would not come thither and tarried in the lands of Men, then they should slowly fade and fail. This is the most grievous of the fruits of the lies and works that Morgoth wrought, that the Eldalië should be sundered and estranged from Men. For a while other evils that he had devised or nurtured lived on, although he himself was taken away; and Orcs and Dragons, breeding again in dark places, became names of terror, and did evil deeds, as in sundry regions they still do; but ere the End all shall perish. But Morgoth himself <MT was taken as a mere criminal to Aman and delivered to Námo Mandos as judge – and executioner. He was judged, and eventually taken out of the Blessed Realm and executed{:}. When {that} [his] body was destroyed he was weak and utterly 'houseless' > and the {Gods}[Valar] thrust[ed] him through the Door of Night into the Timeless Void, beyond the Walls of the World; and a guard is set for ever on that door, and {Eärendel}[Eärendil] keeps watch upon the ramparts of the sky.
I would use and "his host" instead of "and the other Ainur".
I have tried to add the little detail about the fate of Melkor that is found in Myths transformed. What do you think?

14. In the parragraph:
Yet the lies that Melkor, the mighty and accursed, Morgoth Bauglir, the Power of Terror and of Hate, sowed in the hearts of Elves and Men are a seed that doth not die and cannot by the {Gods}[Valar] be destroyed; and ever and anon it sprouts anew, and [will] bear{s} dark fruit even [unto] {to} these latest days. Some say also that Morgoth himself has at times crept back, secretly as a cloud that cannot be seen, and yet is venomous, surmounting the Walls, and visiting the world to encourage his servants and set on foot evil when all seems fair. But others say that this is the black shadow of Sauron, whom the {Gnomes}[Noldor] named {Gorthu}[Gorthaur], who served Morgoth {even in Valinor}[long ago] and came with him [into the world], and was the greatest and most evil of his underlings; and Sauron fled from the Great Battle and escaped, and he dwelt in dark places and perverted Men to his dreadful allegiance and his foul worship.
I would use Noldor rather than Sindar because if I'm not mistaken Gorthaur is a sindarin name, and it can be said that the Ñoldor of ME did use Sindarin in their daily speech. The bold part of the text was missing in the draft. It was from the emendations made by JRRT in HoME 11.

QS: this refers to the Quenta Silmarillion from HoME 5.
MT: this referst to Myths Transformed from HoME 10.
QS77: this refers to the Published Silmarillion.
"Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio; a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy."

Last edited by Maédhros; 03-17-2004 at 07:52 AM.
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