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Old 01-23-2011, 06:21 PM   #62
Aiwendil
Late Istar
 
Join Date: Mar 2001
Posts: 2,132
Aiwendil has been trapped in the Barrow!
RB-DF-03.5: Ekimeniso's argument about which 'silver' to retain is persuasive, so let's keep the first 'silver' and remove the second.

RB-DF-04: Actually, I don't think that the mixed metaphor (tower vs. storm) in itself is a problem, since Tolkien himself uses both of these images in QS. However, I don't think that adding the detail of Fingolfin as a lonely tree to the storm-metaphor is adequate justification for editing Tolkien's prose on so fine a level. I say pick either the QS or GA version of the passage and use that - and my inclination is to use QS since it is the fuller account and the base text for the sentences immediately before and after.

RB-DF-04.5: I have no problem with adding the detail of the echo from GA. Findegil proposes:

Quote:
and he wounded Morgoth RB-DF-04.2 {with seven wounds, and seven times Morgoth gave a cry} <GA seven times with his sword; and the cries> of anguish that Morgoth gave <GA echoed in the north-lands>, whereat the rocks shivered, and the hosts of Angband fell upon their faces in dismay.
This seems to me to require too much verbal contortion; I would prefer Ekimeniso's:

Quote:
and he wounded Morgoth with seven wounds, and seven times Morgoth gave a cry of anguish that <GA echoed in the north-lands>, whereat the rocks shivered, and the hosts of Angband fell upon their faces in dismay.
RB-DF-07.5: In my opinion, the repetition in such a short space of "There was lamentation in . . . " is unacceptable.


RB-DF-09: In QS, the flight of the Beorians and the situation of Barahir and his twelve companions is told (QS §138-139) just after the rescue of Felagund, significantly before the account of Fingolfin's death. In GA, the narrative turns away from Barahir after the rescue of Felagund and only comes back to him and his people after telling of Fingolfin's death (in GA §158-159). The solution adopted in Findegil's text is to retain QS §138 where it stands, remove §139, and then insert GA §158-159 after the death of Fingolfin. This seems to me to be problematic. Even though we have deleted QS §139, there is still redundancy between §138 and GA §158-159; the flight of most of Barahir's people and the transformation of the highland forest into the dreadful Taur-nu-Fuin are both repeated. I think we should pick one place or the other and put all the material about Barahir there - so either remove QS §138-139 or remove GA §158-159, and make any appropriate additions to the retained version from the removed version.

I would propose to remove QS §138-139 and use GA §158-159 after the death of Fingolfin:

Quote:
RB-DF-09 <GA §158 Now Morgoth's power overshadowed the north-lands , but {[struck out: still]} Barahir would not retreat and defended still the remant of his land and folk in Dorthonion. But Morgoth hunted down all that there remained of Elves or Men, and he sent Sauron against them; {and all the forest of the northward slopes of that land was turned into a region of dread and dark enchantment, so that it was after called Taur-nu-Fuin, the Forest under Nightshade.} <QS and he took all the forest and the highland of Dorthonion, save the highest and inmost region, and turned it little by little to a place of such dread and lurking evil that even the Orcs would not enter it unless need drove them. Therefore it was called by the [Noldor] [Taur-nu-Fuin], which is Mirkwood, and [Deluwaith], Deadly Nightshade; for the trees that grew there after the burning were black and grim, and their roots were tangled, groping in the dark like claws; and those who strayed among them became lost and blind, and were strangled or pursued to madness by phantoms of terror.>
§159 At last so desperate was the case of Barahir that Emeldir the Manhearted his wife ... And some were there received into Haleth's folk, and some passed on to {Dorlomin}[Dor-Lómin] and the people of {Galion}[Galdor] Hador's son. ... For these were slain one by one, or fled, until at last only Barahir and Beren his son, and Baragund and Belegund sons of Bregolas, were left, and with them {[eight >]} nine desperate men whose names were long remembered in song: Dagnir and Ragnor, Radhruin and Dairuin and Gildor, Urthel and Arthad and Hathaldir, and Gorlim Unhappy. ... No help came to them and they> <QS were hunted like wild beasts, and Morgoth sent many wolves against them; and they retreated to the barren highland above the forest, and wandered among the tarns and rocky moors of that region, furthest from the spies and spells of Morgoth. Their bed was the heather and their roof the cloudy sky.>
Here I have replaced the passages concerning Taur-nu-Fuin and the plight of the hunted outlaws in GA with the fuller corresponding passages from QS.
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