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Old 01-06-2005, 10:47 AM   #229
The Saucepan Man
Corpus Cacophonous
 
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: A green and pleasant land
Posts: 8,468
The Saucepan Man has been trapped in the Barrow!
The Eye Of Melvin and Yawanna

And it came to pass that on the Two Hundred and Twenty-Ninth Post of the Sixth Page Melvin Bluenote who was called Môgul Bildûr appeared unto Yawanna who was called Kámomyltî in the Gardens of Kïuw saying unto her the words Hello Princess! And Yawanna was sorely flummoxed and said unto Melvin Mel! You scared the bejeepers outta me! And Melvin did not reply but bestowed upon her a roguish grin. And Yawanna’s heart was sorely moved, for she had known him of old and in sooth he had appeared unto her in a seriously fanciable guise.

What are you doing here, Mel?

Oh I was just passing and I thought I’d look you up.

No, really. How did you get past VIA?

I didn’t. I came by another route. It gave me the chance to catch up with an old friend on the way.

But none can enter Valleyum without passing via VIA.

I can. This place was once my home, remember.


And verily did Yawanna remember. For she and Melvin had been going steady in the Olden Days when the world was young and the living was fast and easy for a free-spirited and nature-loving Velou in the bloom of her youth. Truly had those days been the happiest of her life.

How’s Häulié?

Oh, you know Häulié. Always tinkering in his workshop.

You’re not expecting him back soon, then?

Yes, he’s …


But Yawanna could not tell a lie for she was pure of spirit and had lived all her life in the blissful realm of Valleyum where evil had ne’er till this day penetrated. And Häulié who was called Wèrkâholik was a neglectful husband for in sooth he spent the greater part of his days in his Great Workshop under Mount Tangential.

… No. No, he probably won’t be home for days yet.

I should imagine that you get rather lonely then.

I have my children.


Wherefore Yawanna spread her bounteous arms and, behold, all the flowers, grasses, bushes and trees that grew in her fertile gardens revelled in the glory of her gaze.

Must be a blast!

Why have you come, Mel?


And Melvin did not at first make reply but stood beholding his former sweetheart. And lo his eyes were dark and terrible, but also rather gorgeous. And at length he spake unto her and his voice was grave and serious yet deep and manful.

The Ent must not be re-made.

Of course it must, Mel. It’s all that I have been working towards since first it was disassembled. It is what has kept me going. Do you realise how boring it is for me sitting alone here in my gardens while Häulié’s off creating Emu knows what? I love my children of course, but I crave intelligent conversation. Every Elf that I take into my service conks out at the first whiff of this place. I will simply die of boredom if I don’t have some company soon. And now the shield-maiden Merisuwyniel and her noble companions have arrived on the shores of this land bringing with them the Entish parts. Soon the Ent – my Ent – will be whole again. Someone to be with – to talk to – a companion at last! Surely you cannot deny me that?


And verily had Yawanna worked herself up into a bit of a bother. Yet Melvin remained unmoved.

But it’s your own fault that the accursed thing was broken in the first place. You had Mantoes pronounce my doom upon it just to spite me. All because you made the wrong choice in marrying Häulié.

No. No, it was because you had changed Mel. You had become someone that I no longer recognised. Someone … evil. Someone that I could love no more.

Is that true? You no longer have any love for me?

Yes, I …


But Yawanna could not tell a lie.

Of course I love you Mel! I always have!

And so it came to pass that Yawanna broke down into a weepy fit. And dramatically did the violins play, yea unto a great crescendo.

And you know what will happen to me if the Ent is reunified? Do you want my destruction?

Yes … no … I … oh I don’t know what I want …

There is another way.


Whereupon Yawanna looked long and hard at Melvin. And verily did he perceive a gleam in her eye.

Another way?

Yes. Come with me. Be my consort. Together we can rule the lands of Muddled-mirth and bring to its people bounty and plenty and profit. What need will you have of your Ent then?

But, Mel, you have always destroyed that which I love the most. You lay to waste the meadows and the forests and build in their place monstrosities of stone and iron.

No. You are mistaken. After the rather … erm … unfortunate circumstances that led to the creation of Orcs, I have learned the errors of my ways. I realise now that the denizens of Muddled-mirth cannot live in concrete landscapes alone. They need the beauty of nature to fully realise their potential as efficient and profitable units …ahem … happy and fulfilled spirits.


Wherefore Melvin produced from his dark cloak an ordinance bearing the mighty seal of Môgul Enterprises LLC. And writ upon that very ordinance were the words: A quarter of the lands of Muddled-mirth shall be left in their natural state or given over to parkland and gardens – by order of Môgul Bildûr. And Yawanna, being pure of spirit and unsullied by evil thoughts could not conceive that the ordinance might be a sham, nor did it cross her mind that Melvin might be her spinning her a bit of a yarn. Yet she was not so pure as to abstain from indulging in a little horse trading.

Well … a quarter does not seem very much.

You drive a hard bargain Princess, but so be it. Let’s say a half, shall we?

You mean it? Half of the lands shall be left unsullied?

Yes. And you shall be their Queen.

And I can bring my children?

But of course.


But Yawanna did not perceive that Melvin had his fingers crossed behind his back. And even had she done so, she would not have known their import. And so it came to pass that Yawanna, believing her former beau to be true, surrendered to the feelings that had lain dormant within her for countless millennia. After all, he was a bit of a dude.

Oh Mel! You really have changed.

Come with me, my Princess.

Yes Mel. Yes, I shall. We shall be together at last.

And the Entish parts?

I … I suppose that they shall have to be destroyed. After all, I shall have no need of the Ent if I have you.

Well then, what are we waiting for?
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