But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks? - William Shakespeare,
Romeo and Juliet
Web-based Frodo staggers on. He sees a tower in the distance – no, not
that tower (with the EyeBall searchlight), but the Tower of Cirith Ungol. More stairs, not as steep, show the way. The edge of Mordor seems to be in reach. He begins to hurry, thinking stealthy thoughts. Something else is thinking those thoughts as well. Shelob sneaks up behind the unsuspecting hobbit. Professionally she stalks her meal, waiting for the right moment to jab Frodo with her sting...er.
Ever notice that when the bad guys are stalking the good guys in movies that the baddie never ever tramps on a branch, or sets a stone a tumbling, or falls within the stalkee’s peripheral vision?
Oh wait! There is a noise, and Frodo turns to find the source, but to no avail. Note that Shelob must be wearing an air freshener. Suddenly, the stinger appears, dripping with some venom (anyone else find that odd?) then WHAP! Frodo is stung in the chest. It’s amazing that Shelob doesn’t puncture a lung, or the heart, or cause some other internal bleeding, but then again, after all of this time in Arda she surely knows her business. And even more amazing is that the old spider knows enough and can see well enough underneath her vast bulk to miss that pretty mithril shirt.
Elijah Wood reacts to the bite (you know what I mean) and then foams at the mouth. This brings back wonderful memories as, long ago in a far off land, before the invention of the internet, we used the exact same technique to cause foaming in our little movie as did PJ et al.
Bromo Seltzer produces foam when you add water. Tastes terrible, and don’t try this at home. Anyway…
Shelob hastens to gather up and package her meal, spinning Frodo into a web sleeping bag. The close up shots of Shelob’s mouth, to me, aren’t as I would imagine. She seems too clean, too much like an ordinary spider of gigantic proportions.
Something approaches. Sam, armed with Sting and the Phial of Galadriel (conveniently each was stuck in the web back in the tunnel, and forgotten by Frodo – what would the poor hobbit sitting back in Rivendell think?) attacks Shelob after spouting off some lines, and the hobbit versus arachnid battle ensues. Loosing the Phial, Sam must fight hand-to-chelicerae (Fangs? Jaws?), and to me he’s just too comfortable placing hand and foot all over Shelob’s face and mouth. Yuck! The fat hobbit, unlike all of those champions of old, gives the giant spider fits. Reading Tolkien and seeing PJ’s take, one begins to wonder if hobbits are the natural born enemies – and killers – of spider-kind. If only Yavanna and Nienna had kept a few hanging around. Squaring off again (does this look like a wrestling/boxing ring?), Shelob comes at Sam, who stabs out one her eyes. He, thinking her blind now in that side, comes at her and stabs her in the mouth, and she tries to eat the spiderbane. Knocked about once again, Sam loses his sword and then must dodge Shelob’s now inaccurate sting. He finally regains his weapon and stabs the spider in the underbelly. Wounded in both eye and belly (and mouth?), Shelob is more sensitive to the light from the Phial, which Sam uses now to affect. Shelob has had enough and retreats to fight another day.
Sam now rushes to his Master’s side, and tears the Silly String rubber cords from the prone hobbit’s face. Frodo looks like a zombie, which, actually, is good, as to me, in these movies, people who are dead either aren’t seen on camera anymore or have their eyes closed. Sam cries over his Master’s fate, and I love the line, “Don’t go where I cannot follow.” While Sam hugs Frodo close, Sting begins to glow. Warning! Orcs approaching! Sam scampers away before they draw close, then he spies on their conversation. Note that he seems not to be afraid that old Shelob will stick him in the back.
What’s this? Frodo’s not dead? What’s Sam to do? Interesting that these orcs, having never seen a hobbit before (at least not outside The Zoo Beside the Núrnen Sea, where they eat boned fish), do not act surprised to see such a creature.
Back in Minas Tirith, Pip, having his fill of battle, returns to his station by Denethor’s side. Maybe Mr. Tomatohead wants to hear another song with his meal. But what’s this? The Steward is preparing a barbecue, and Faramir is to be the main course! Denethor looms large over his second son, who burns with a fever. Leechcraft must have fallen off since the Númenórean days, as everyone knows you don’t burn a fever. Quick – call for the Herbmaster to find what herbs go well with princes.
Pip lets everyone in the room know that Faramir’s not dead yet. Okay, he wasn’t when last Pip laid close eyes on him, but is he sure that Faramir hasn’t expired since? Pip goes into a rage, and Denethor will hear none of it. He drags poor Pip out of the room, and I almost see myself dragging one of my children out the toy store door. I actually like how Denethor releases Pip from his service, casting him outside like so much garbage. Very arrogant and dismissive. And the Appendices show how one actor is thrown down and another (Billy Boyd) pops up perfectly. No CG, just a simple camera trick, and well done.
Pippin looks for Gandalf, swimming upstream in a sea of wounded retreating soldiers. Will he find help in time? And what’s the point? Faramir’s just another doomed soul in this lost city. And the orcs have Frodo, and so Pip’s valor is vain.