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1. Does the change in role of Eonwe from the son of Manwe to his herald require some further explanation or justification for his role in the War of Wrath?
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I have to agree with Aiwendil on this one.
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2. Is the inserted phrase necessary for purely intra-textual reasons within the Valaquenta.
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In the end, I think that the phrase should be removed, but as lindil pointed out, it would be a shame to loose it.