[gandalf85]

EPE-EX-01 <AAm §66 Now Ulmo, by the counsel of the Valar, … their fear of the Sea was turned rather to desire.> There they waited and gazed upon the dark waves. But Ulmo came{ from the Valar}; and he uprooted a half-sunken island, … and they did not come until Ulmo had departed.

The first sentence is "Now Ulmo, by the counsel of the Valar, came to the shores of Middle-Earth and spoke to the eldar;...". Then the second and third sentences are "There they waited and gazed upon the dark waves. But Ulmo came;..." This seems slightly out of order. In the first sentence, Ulmo comes and speaks to the eldar; in the second, the eldar wait; in the third, Ulmo comes (again?). I propose this order: "There they waited and gazed upon the dark waves. <AAm §66 Now Ulmo, by the counsel of the Valar, … their fear of the Sea was turned rather to desire.> Therefore Ulmo {came from the Valar; and he} uprooted a half-sunken island, ..."

EPE-EX-02 <AAm But when the Teleri learned that Ingwë and Finwë and their peoples were gone, they pressed on to the shore, and there dwelt in longing for their friends that had departed. And they took Olwë, Elwë's brother, to be their king.> But the Teleri dwelt long by the coasts of the western sea

I have a small stylistic recommendation here: Change "But the Teleri dwelt long" to "{But the Telerei} They dwelt long..." The phrase "But the Teleri" seems awkward here, especially since it was used two sentences prior.

EPE-EX-07: I really like the inclusion of the Cirdan material here.

There Ulmo sate upon a headland … and the sound of their wistful piping might be heard for many a long day come faintly down the winds.

There is a "Solosimpsi" in this sentence which needs changing to Teleri.

[Therefore Ulmo, submitting to the will of the Valar, sent unto them Ossë their friend, and he, albeit in grief, taught them the craft of ship-building; and when their ships were built he brought to them as his farewell gift the strong-winged swans.]

This seems to contradict Cirdan from Last Writings: "...Cirdan had turned his thought and skill to the making of ships..."

I was actually wondering, should Celeborn be inserted into the story at this point? with a note about Elmo and the rest of the family tree?

Since Celeborn and Elmo don't play into the narrative of the Quenta itself (as far as I know), I think it would be awkward to introduce them here. Introducing him in "Of Galadriel and Celeborn" makes more sense to me.

This chapter is another amazing amalgamation of Tolkien's works; great work!