The Barrow-Downs Discussion Forum - View Single Post - The Reunification of the Entish Bow

Birdland · 11-22-2003, 10:42 PM

Gruff the Nazgrrl stood by the sodden dripping cart, where her friend the Thigh was desperately trying to spit river mud out of his various knotholes and bemoaning his finish. She silently, bleakly took in the sight of her partner dancing on the shore, waving his arms, hopping up and down and then reaching under his robe to frantically scratch his vaporous nether regions. Then her gaze rested on her erstwhile amours, Chrysophylax and Mordaenárur, as they struggled and tumbled, still tangled together like some devilish dust puppy from the bowels of a 2-star Sorehamnian inn. Gruff gazed numbly at the scene, blinked twice, turned her gaze directly at the unseen audience reading this page, blinked again, then returned her gaze at the grumbling, belching, farting, scratching scene before her. She had never felt so desolate in all her, long, miserable, working-grrl life.

And it was just at this moment that Norni ambled up to the stunned fell beast and announced helpfully: “I like cheese.“

“COOOOOOOOOOO!” cooed Gruff, as she rear up on her hind legs and grasped her head in frustration. Every male in the Gallowship stared blankly at the frantic Nazgrrl, before shrugging their shoulders and returning to their grumbling, belching, farting, and scratching.

Gruff fell forward on the soggy forest floor in despair. Was this all there was? Where was the love? The laughter? The romance? Her infernal clock was ticking! She wanted spawn! And a cave in a nice barren cliff-face, near good schools. Family dinners around a rotten carcass that she had dug up herself. Maybe a dog, once the offspring were old enough to eat one. Was this all too much to ask? And yet could she bring herself to settle for these two boorish creatures of darkness before her? Why, Chrysophylax couldn’t even slaughter his enemy without making a muddle of it. And had she really, really seriously considered dating a demon without wings?

Gruff stared bleakly at her partner, flapping his robe with relief after his sulpherous blow-dry. HE was no help. Oh, he was alright when they were storming a keep or reducing an army to screaming insanity. But had he ever, ever once introduced her to one of his more interesting acquaintances? Ever taken her to any of the more high class regions of Muddled Mirth? Ever throw her a coin or two so she could buy something pretty for herself? Grralph had just never realized that his little Nazgrrl was growing up.

Then, suddenly, Gruff realized that the one person who might help her had been there all along! Why had she not thought of it before. If anyone could help her make a fresh start, she could!

Merisuwyniel was just showing Pimpiowyn how a simple incantation to Yawanna could take wrinkles right out of taffeta, when suddenly the two shield maidens found themselves confronted by Grrralph’s fell-beast, wringing her talons, then frantically pointing to her own mud-spattered underbelly, her scaly, dry scales, and the beginnings of crebain-feet around her eyes. Gruff gazed hopefully into Merisuwyniel’s eyes, and cooed beseechingly.

“Why, whatever can she want, Meri?” Pimpi asked in astonishment.

“Why, Pimpi, it’s obvious!” declared Meri. “The poor dear’s just begging for a make-over!“

**************************************
“Should we take him, now, Precious?“

“No, Fluffy. We’ll wait until they have wandered into the Canned Corn Forest. We’ll lure them off the path, then we‘ll take him!”

“Meeeeeeee-meeep-meeep-meeep-meeeep! Meeeeeeeee-meeeep-meeeep-meeep!”*

* Note - Think mischievous laughter.

11-22-2003, 10:42 PM	#106
Birdland Ghastly Neekerbreeker Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: the banks of the mighty Scioto Posts: 1,757	Gruff the Nazgrrl stood by the sodden dripping cart, where her friend the Thigh was desperately trying to spit river mud out of his various knotholes and bemoaning his finish. She silently, bleakly took in the sight of her partner dancing on the shore, waving his arms, hopping up and down and then reaching under his robe to frantically scratch his vaporous nether regions. Then her gaze rested on her erstwhile amours, Chrysophylax and Mordaenárur, as they struggled and tumbled, still tangled together like some devilish dust puppy from the bowels of a 2-star Sorehamnian inn. Gruff gazed numbly at the scene, blinked twice, turned her gaze directly at the unseen audience reading this page, blinked again, then returned her gaze at the grumbling, belching, farting, scratching scene before her. She had never felt so desolate in all her, long, miserable, working-grrl life. And it was just at this moment that Norni ambled up to the stunned fell beast and announced helpfully: “I like cheese.“ “COOOOOOOOOOO!” cooed Gruff, as she rear up on her hind legs and grasped her head in frustration. Every male in the Gallowship stared blankly at the frantic Nazgrrl, before shrugging their shoulders and returning to their grumbling, belching, farting, and scratching. Gruff fell forward on the soggy forest floor in despair. Was this all there was? Where was the love? The laughter? The romance? Her infernal clock was ticking! She wanted spawn! And a cave in a nice barren cliff-face, near good schools. Family dinners around a rotten carcass that she had dug up herself. Maybe a dog, once the offspring were old enough to eat one. Was this all too much to ask? And yet could she bring herself to settle for these two boorish creatures of darkness before her? Why, Chrysophylax couldn’t even slaughter his enemy without making a muddle of it. And had she really, really seriously considered dating a demon without wings? Gruff stared bleakly at her partner, flapping his robe with relief after his sulpherous blow-dry. HE was no help. Oh, he was alright when they were storming a keep or reducing an army to screaming insanity. But had he ever, ever once introduced her to one of his more interesting acquaintances? Ever taken her to any of the more high class regions of Muddled Mirth? Ever throw her a coin or two so she could buy something pretty for herself? Grralph had just never realized that his little Nazgrrl was growing up. Then, suddenly, Gruff realized that the one person who might help her had been there all along! Why had she not thought of it before. If anyone could help her make a fresh start, she could! Merisuwyniel was just showing Pimpiowyn how a simple incantation to Yawanna could take wrinkles right out of taffeta, when suddenly the two shield maidens found themselves confronted by Grrralph’s fell-beast, wringing her talons, then frantically pointing to her own mud-spattered underbelly, her scaly, dry scales, and the beginnings of crebain-feet around her eyes. Gruff gazed hopefully into Merisuwyniel’s eyes, and cooed beseechingly. “Why, whatever can she want, Meri?” Pimpi asked in astonishment. “Why, Pimpi, it’s obvious!” declared Meri. “The poor dear’s just begging for a make-over!“ ************************************** “Should we take him, now, Precious?“ “No, Fluffy. We’ll wait until they have wandered into the Canned Corn Forest. We’ll lure them off the path, then we‘ll take him!” “Meeeeeeee-meeep-meeep-meeep-meeeep! Meeeeeeeee-meeeep-meeeep-meeep!”* * Note - Think mischievous laughter.